D-day - Help me thru moving out of family home on Wednesday

(11 Posts)
rememberthetime Mon 03-Oct-16 14:36:32

Just 6 weeks after we finally admitted it was over, I am moving out. You might have seen my other threads - but i have had a nightmare journey of finding a flat, buying furniture, being self employed and him refusing to help financially.
But finally, I am there. I get my keys tomorrow and I move in on Wednesday morning. I have arranged a removal van and two helpers, I have packed up all the things I am allowed to take (he quibbled over two towels and then backed down when I pointed out I was leaving behind the kitchen appliances and the TV).
My daughter will follow on Friday once her new bed has arrived from IKEA.

But I keep getting flashes of panic. What if the neighbours ask what's going on when the truck arrives? What if the ex gets all upset? What if i get upset? What if I am making a huge mistake? What if I hate my new place?

This is about the most frightening thing I have done for 18 years when I moved to a strange country to live with my now Ex.

Do you have any positive stories to tell about your moving day?

user1474193901 Mon 03-Oct-16 18:08:53

My moving day was 4 weeks before Christmas. I moved in on the Saturday (just me and my dog) and my boys followed on the Sunday. I have to admit it was really weird moving with out my STBEXH and my emotions were all over the place. It wasn't something I ever expected to do. I spent the entire day cleaning, organising and moving stuff backwards and forwards - even stranger not to have someone else telling you where stuff should go or what you should be doing. I just couldn't sit still... Didn't want my brain to start over thinking everything.
But I put out my photo's, and personal bits and pieces to start making it feel homely. It was nice putting out a couple of family photos that had been tucked away for years as the ex didn't like them. I had a long bubble bath, put on my favourite jammies (which he hated) and ate cookie dough ice cream in bed, with the dog lying next to me (the dog was never even allowed upstairs!). Sounds silly. It I wanted to feel I could do what ever I wanted to... No one to criticise or chastise.
I didn't sleep well to be honest, I cried for a bit, read for a bit, organised my paperwork.
We've been here 10 months. My boys love it... It's home now. We've surrounded by our things, in a home with no negative memories - no arguments, no lies, no nastiness...
I had to buy everything again, even the bedding, crockery and towels. But to be honest, even though I have struggled financially, it means it really was a fresh start for us.
Take pleasure in setting up your new little home. Treat yourself to a little something each week to remind yourself your special, even if your ex is too short sighted to see it. I treated myself to a bunch of flowers every week. They were only £3 a bunch but worth ever penny. My best friend painted her bedroom a really 'brave' colour when her husband left as she new he would absolutely hate it.
Good luck with the move... flowers

user1474193901 Mon 03-Oct-16 20:17:51

Forgot to say - you'll be fine. Don't worry. You've done the hard bit, deciding to go, and find a new home. This is just one more hurdle but you can do this. Wednesday will go by really quick as you'll be too busy to think about it. Don't worry what the neighbours will think... It doesn't matter. Just think about your new home and how lovely you'll make it. Ps. Get yourself a bottle of wine and a big box of choccies for Wednesday night. chocolatewine

hermione2016 Mon 03-Oct-16 21:32:51

Good luck.The door opens to your new life.

You are doing so well, congratulations and best wishes for the move and your new home.

Hotwaterbottle1 Tue 04-Oct-16 08:17:30

Good luck, I will be in the same boat at some point, I hope it goes well. Post & update us x

messeduptotally Tue 04-Oct-16 10:26:52

I went through the same a couple of years ago now, exh helped move the furniture out and into my new rented house - didn't say a word, didn't beg me to stay or anything..
I cried like a baby that night.
I settled in and made it home with my girls, it was nice.
Now have bought my own house and its all good - you will get over it, baby steps flowers

rememberthetime Tue 04-Oct-16 15:38:23

Thank you for your stories - it does help.
I have spent today sorting and packing. I didn't realise how much I actually have. By te time I have added my daughters bags ad boxes there is actually quite a lot. I am now hoping I can find a home for it all.

I am now waiting to be collected by my mother in law who is going to take me and a car load of boxes to the new place to meet the agent and get the keys.

My MIL has been wonderful. My husband and I agreed to a "no fault" explanation of why we are splitting and so she just thinks it is sad and that we are going our a ways because it s for the best. We want different things etc. I can't tell her that her son is an emotional abuser...but she may have put two and two together as he hasn't always been able to keep himself in check when she is around.She has also been on the wrong end of his advice about her lifestyle at times.

but anyway, she is lovely and is wanting to help. She is the only Mum I have left, so I want to maintain my contact with her.

I have realised that the best way to deal with this is the be practical at all times. No emotion, no talking, no saying goodbye. Just get on with it then deal with the fallout.

In the morning Ex will leave the house about 8.30, about the same time as my son - daughter will have already left for school. Going to treat it like a normal day and just ask the kids to remember I won't be there and that I will call them that evening. They are 17 and 14, so should be able to deal with that OK.

Damn - now I am crying. I hate thinking about what the kids are dealing with. They are going to have to console my husband. I hope he does something fun with them or takes them out or something.

My daughter will come and stay from Friday. She can't wait. But not sure how to keep seeing my son. I will have to insist he meets me for lunches or comes and stays.

Apologies for rambling - just letting some thoughts out. I will come back as soon as the internet is back up and running at my new place.

user1474193901 Tue 04-Oct-16 16:14:17

Good luck for tomorrow. flowers

BlessThisMess Wed 05-Oct-16 20:31:28

How was it, rememberthetime? Hope all has gone well.

rememberthetime Wed 05-Oct-16 21:52:55

Thank you for asking - finally after a very hectic day I am sitting down and relaxing.
The move went incredibly well - not least because of my two fantastic removal men.They did everything and would not let me help. Plus they were quick - I was out of there with about 20 minutes!
I did have a huge moment this morning when saying goodbye to my ex. I just threw my arms around him and held on for dear life. I sobbed and he told me that he hoped I would find what I was looking for. I realised that he didn't get it...I am leaving because of his behaviour - not because I fancied a change!
Then I had another cry when I said goodbye to my son.Then i just got on with it.
When I arrived at my new home I began unpacking and really didn't stop all day. I still have plenty to do tomorrow - but I managed to get the wifi running, I put together my bed, I put the legs on my table and reprogrammed the heating and hot water - all things my husband would normally do.
Then my daughter called this evening in tears as ex was being horrible to her. It was the sort of situation I would normally save her from and she wanted my reassurance. It was so hard. I made the mistake of texting ex telling him to give her a break. He basically told me that my anger was clouding my judgement...ugh.
I am hoping she can put up with these two nights with him then she is with me from friday.
He also was late home and didn't tell her where he was and left no food in the house for when she came home from school. Then ordered pizza for her that arrived at 7.30 but he didn't get her enough - just a personal size when he had a medium. She is 14 - not a little kid. I have looked after those children's needs for so long that he really has no clue.
I feel guilty, but also more justified than ever.

Not the quiet evening I had hoped for - as so many texts and phone calls - but I guess being thrown in the deep end is what is to be expected.

Oh and my upstairs neighbours appear to be young men who shout at each other sad But on the good side they are out all day and I work from home so that is OK.

BlessThisMess Wed 05-Oct-16 22:07:44

Well done. You have taken the first step, and survived! It's amazing how they just don't 'get it', isn't it? I hope he gets better with DD until she can be with you.

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