Have told him that's it. Now what do I do?

(9 Posts)
minxthemanx Sat 17-Sep-16 20:50:17

After years of unhappiness (looong story complicated by two dc with medical problems) I have finally told DH I can't live with him any more. Have suggested he moves out, and we have time to see if any relations hips either with DS1 or me, can be improved. But have made it clear if he won't, I will file for divorce. But how do people afford to split up? ! We have 30k mortgage left over 4 years. One bed flats in the area cost 650 a month upwards. I work 3 days a week. We don't get any benefits as just outside income thresholds. How the heck do people do this? There is a lot of equity in the house, but really don't want to sell as boys need stability and have both been through so much. Final straw was when DH failed to give DS2 his epilepsy med again last night. I have left him twice in 6 months, to put DS2 to bed. Both times forgotten med. And DS2 had had a seizure yesterday! Can't put up with this any more. Any advice gratefully received.

rightsforwomen Sun 18-Sep-16 09:01:12

Sorry, but you will most likely have to sell your house.

minxthemanx Sun 18-Sep-16 09:30:57

Hmm. But if we sell house (3bed) surely I'll have to buy another one? Which will be same price. Sale of our house won't give enough money to buy 2 places. Will go and speak to solicitor tomorrow. My main concern is his level of supervision of ds2; apart from forgetting medication, DH often just falls asleep or is totally absorbed in laptop/newspaper and not aware of anything that might be going on. Am convinced he has undiagnosed aspergers due to odd behavior. Is so difficult to live with. sad

rightsforwomen Mon 19-Sep-16 08:53:31

When you divide a single household into 2, neither will get the same standard of living as before. That's just the way it is. Someone buys the other one out, you sell and buy 2 smaller places, both with mortgages, or one smaller place and one rented.

If you do not believe your DH should have unsupervised residency of your son then you need to act upon that.

MrsBertBibby Mon 19-Sep-16 11:04:18

Chances are you'll be able to stay in the house (without him) until the kids are grown, when husband will get his share. With a child who needs care beyond childhood due to severe illness or disability, that can be indefinite, although that's a bigger ask.

See a solicitor, to get advice based on the whole situation.

minxthemanx Mon 19-Sep-16 13:13:35

Tried to make apt with a solicitor today. They rang back, asked what the problem was and said they can't give me any advice without full financial disclosure from both parties. I said I just wanted general advice about how to go about separating but she said she couldn't advise anything without seeing financial disclosures. I then asked whether mediation would be useful and she agreed it might! Didn't feel it was the most helpful conversation but there you go.

rightsforwomen Mon 19-Sep-16 14:15:17

They sound shite. Find another one.

MrsBertBibby Mon 19-Sep-16 14:35:00

Yep, that's shit. Try elsewhere. I am always happy to give clients some idea of what might be achievable, (except when they really can't tell me anything, which is rare) although of course hedged about with caveats about further info being needed.

minxthemanx Mon 19-Sep-16 14:40:24

I did think it was a bit rubbish. Wasn't remotely interested in any of it- kids (rare ) medical situations, husband with strong aspergers traits, mum at end of tether. ....just kept repeating can't give advice without seeing financial paperwork. Have found another practice that has a mediator attached, might try there .

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