What custody do you share for children

(9 Posts)
Tingatingatale Thu 15-Sep-16 21:16:41

I left my h earlier this year. We have two children 5 and 7. He straight away said he wanted 50/50 custody and has them Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Five months in the kids are saying they are not liking this and I don't blame them. He will not communicate with me at all so cannot discuss this with him at all

What arrangements do you have? I am interested to know how regular or irregular our set up is

Thanks in advance

notagainnellie Fri 16-Sep-16 21:34:58

We have been separated 2 years now and since he got his own place 6 months ago he has them every other weekend (Sat am - Sun teatime. He can't do overnights on Sundays as he has band rehearsal hmm ); Monday nights, every other Tuesday for tea and every other Friday for tea. I suppose there isn't too much coming and going for the dc, and they always complain about being with me (in their family home) because he lets them on screen all the time and doesn't enforce chores etc.

Maybe you should look at consecutive days rather than every other day as it would give them some continuity. Does he get any weekend time with them at all? It's very hard and if he won't speak, could you email him but also look at making it all more official?

Shodan Sat 17-Sep-16 00:22:02

STBXH and I separated a few months ago.

Currently I have ds2 (8) from Sunday evening through to Thursday evening. Then STBXH has him for the weekend.

BUT.

This is a very flexible arrangement. For instance, I have ds2 now and until Sunday morning, because I've been away since Saturday. Bank holidays are worked on what ds2 fancies, what plans we might have etc. If ds2 wants to spend all or some of a weekend with me, then he can.

It works only because STBXH and I are determined that ds2 will suffer as little as possible from our break up. STBXH is living with his parents and they have redone a bedroom just for ds2. They are equally committed to easing the situation.

I would also suggest trying to get him to agree to consecutive days- it must be very unsettling for the children to be shuttling backwards and forwards like that. Have you consulted a solicitor for a divorce? If so, get them to send a letter. If not, perhaps try a Citizens' Advice bureau or similar for some advice.

Fourormore Sun 18-Sep-16 11:44:40

That's a lot of changing. The children are still quite young and it's still early days. Have they said what they don't like about it? I'd imagine they'd still be hoping you'd get back together at this stage.

My ex collects our children from school on Friday and either has them til Sat morning or Sun evening on an alternate week basis. Works really well for us.

Fourormore Sun 18-Sep-16 11:45:43

*collects them from school on a Wednesday, not Friday!

Tingatingatale Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:39

Thank you

My eldest is especially finding it hard work going every other day. He is happy to go for longer periods so doing 4 days in a row would work for him. Problem is my 5 year old is saying that would be too long for him.

I need to get xh to talk to me but he won't

Eldest son is also under the impression he needs to choose one of us to live with and then visit the other at the moment sad. Can't talk him out of this. Yesterday it was his dad he was going to live with. Today he wants to live with me. He is totally confused however many times I talk to him.

intheBondiBubble Mon 19-Sep-16 04:49:14

We currently work DS4 picked up Wednesday night by his dad and he stays there until Saturday afternoon when he comes home to me from Saturday through to Wednesday.
We try to keep this consistent but for example I had a concert Saturday so he kept him another night, we have long weekend coming up and are going away so I'll have him from Friday instead of Saturday.
Consecutive days are really key for small children, good luck, it does get easier smile

WiltingTulip Mon 19-Sep-16 04:54:37

50:50 since they were younger than yours. We're also very flexible about extra days/nights if things come up. Dcs are fine.

WiltingTulip Mon 19-Sep-16 04:56:29

Sorry, forgot to add consecutive days here too. Maybe try phone called/skype for awhile?

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