Separating due to emotional abuse - what do I do next?

(10 Posts)
dontmentionit Sat 27-Aug-16 13:04:52

Been with H since teens for 20 years, I've just woken up and realised that it's not a healthy relationship. Subtle ways but sulking mainly " not enough sex, it's boring" is current sulk, questioning whether I'm having an affair (I'm not) , being vile inter mixed with him being just lovely.

We have a house and 2 dc, where do I start in terms of a separation? Is it as complicated as I fear. I really worry about the financial side who do I get advice from? I need my practical head on but I can't think straight at the moment😯

FreeFromHarm Sat 27-Aug-16 14:08:43

Sorry you are going through this, so you have decided to leave the family home ?, how old are your dc's ?

dontmentionit Sat 27-Aug-16 14:13:51

Thanks for your reply. Dc s are 5 and 9 , we have a mortgaged house together. Aware I need to make sure I have house security for my dcs.

Just tried women's aid who are sadly inundated so vm available only. I don't want a call back though incase he picks up phone etc

FreeFromHarm Sat 27-Aug-16 14:13:54

First thing Tuesday make an appointment for your free half hour with a solicitor
Get all the paperwork you can ( including pay slips and bank details ( both of you if you work) take with you to solicitors
organise your financials , setting out what will be needed to run the house if you are staying.
If he is abusive emotionally /verbally contact wa and get some advice.

dontmentionit Sat 27-Aug-16 14:33:16

Thank you, will do. I guess I should keep quiet about this to H. I don't know, heads all over the place.

FreeFromHarm Sat 27-Aug-16 15:06:59

I would suggest if he is emotionally abusive, yes I would keep all this to yourself, careful planning is paramount , have you a confidente you can trust and talk to ?, wa will also help you, I also suggest you go to your gp as they offer very good counselling services .

debbs77 Sun 28-Aug-16 20:07:10

I agree, get everything in order first.

I am out of an emotionally abusive relationship and he is STILL going on at me. Makeso it easier to move on to be honest

Hi OP, how are you doing? I'm just asking as I'm in a very similar situation - I'm planning on leaving but not sure where to start - I've looked up solicitors in our area and plan to visit one soon, did you go for a consultation?

hermione2016 Thu 22-Sep-16 20:27:07

Get some legal advice which will be pretty generic but starts the process.

I am just starting the divorce process, my stbxh will file for divorce ( as he has to have the control) and that kicks off the process.

user1474193901 Sun 25-Sep-16 18:54:37

You poor thing. I completely sympathise. I too suffered emotional abuse from STBEXH. It's deeply scarring isn't it. Yet nobody sees the damage that's done. I Left end of last year. Currently in divorce roller coaster. But OMG! My self esteem is returning, I'm not feeling like a pile of sh1t as he always made me feel. I still have down downs but they are certainly getting fewer. Sending hugs flowers

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