Honest answers please

(23 Posts)
Blushingm Mon 22-Aug-16 23:28:17

Stbex moved to his parents (they hate me, I'm nothing, etc etc) . With him there he will be more controlled by them than usual.

I suggested he has DC on Saturdays but he says this isnt enough. He works full time and the DC have commitments to sports clubs on Sunday's so Saturday is the only free day the kids have.

I'm not keen on over nights as Ds wouldn't want to plus there's no where for them to sleep unless they share a room (dd is 10, ds is 14) which I don't think is appropriate or one shares with their dad which again isn't appropriate

Honestly- am I being mean/spiteful or reasonable I'm finding it hard to tell!

Justmuddlingalong Mon 22-Aug-16 23:30:37

DS doesn't or wouldn't want to? Have you asked him?

Blushingm Mon 22-Aug-16 23:50:14

He says he doesn't want to - Pil he says complain to him and fil is worse - got a clip around the ear for not clearing the table angry

Justmuddlingalong Mon 22-Aug-16 23:53:02

Is he able to see them in the evening, during the week?

Blushingm Tue 23-Aug-16 00:06:17

He works til 6 mon-fri-

IzzyIsBusy Tue 23-Aug-16 00:15:04

Would seeing your children once a week be enough for you?

Let him take them to their sports stuff on Sunday and urge him to find his own place asap so he can have overnights.

IzzyIsBusy Tue 23-Aug-16 00:16:07

Also how is father and son sharing a room inappropriate?

FetchezLaVache Tue 23-Aug-16 00:18:41

I think she means that her son and daughter would have to share a room.

WatchMeSoar Tue 23-Aug-16 00:19:15

His grandfather smacked him! No yanbu.
No wonder he doesn't want to stay overnight.
I would say to ex overnights when he has his own place.
I have teen boys, you don't smack them.

FetchezLaVache Tue 23-Aug-16 00:20:21

I think he needs to see them more than just once a week tbh. Is he planning to move into a place of his own, longer term, so that they would have a room each?

IzzyIsBusy Tue 23-Aug-16 00:26:22

or one shares with their dad which again isn't appropriate

Blushingm Tue 23-Aug-16 01:17:54

It would mean sharing a bed with their dad is why I thought inappropriate- def for dd anyway

I think eventually he intends to get his own place

And no - once a week wouldn't be enough for me but then I'm a lot closer to DC

The sports thing on Sunday am - ex hates the sport, when occasionally he's had to go he will sit outside in the car for 2 hours than go in and watch

IzzyIsBusy Tue 23-Aug-16 07:04:47

Well at the moment if he wants to spend time with his children then attending the sports events/clubs is his only option, so he needs to suck it up.

I still disagree with you regarding father and son sharing a bed though. My 14 yo DS goes camping with his dad in a 2 man tent so they share a sleeping space the size of a double bed. I cannot see what is innapropriate about it confused

Once he gets his own place will you allow more contact?

Blushingm Tue 23-Aug-16 17:06:11

I've offered every Friday after school and all day Saturday. He has declined saying it is unreasonable!

I though it was fair as we'd both get a weekend night with them each

What more can I do?

Missgraeme Tue 23-Aug-16 17:10:46

I thought the appropriate thing these days was one night during the week and eow? 6 pm finish is still early enough to have tea together. Maybe when he gets his own place more can be organised but sleeping arrangements are a bit awkward as it stands.

IzzyIsBusy Tue 23-Aug-16 17:12:04

That is fair until he gets his own place.

You can do no more now he is just being difficult. Let him whinge away to himself but until he does something to change his living arrangements then you are being reasonable with your suggestion.

millymollymoomoo Tue 23-Aug-16 18:38:01

Honestly I don't think Saturday is enough. It's not just about seeing them it's about being a dad which involves tea and shopping and homework and sports etc, just normal day to day stuff. Many working parents don't pick up until 6 and still do homework, tea, sports, bedtime etc!

I understand current living arrangements might be a bit challenged but if he's still tied into the house you live in until you sell that isn't necessarily his fault.

Once he does have his place he certainly should have overnights.....

What is he actually requesting??

Blushingm Tue 23-Aug-16 21:36:50

He's requesting from Friday after school til Sunday every week

I said no as that would mean no weekend time with me

I offered Friday afterschool til Saturday evening and he's said no - I said most people have every other weekend end so Friday til Saturday evening every week is pretty much the equivalent

Cabrinha Tue 23-Aug-16 21:43:08

What's stopping you suggesting EOW Fri-Sun? And he takes them to their clubs.

Blushingm Tue 23-Aug-16 21:49:46

He wants every weekend which is why I suggested Friday afterschool til Saturday night. Club is 9.30 til 12 Sunday morning - he sits in his car outside rather than going in and watching - it's skating and they both compete. Kids like people to watch - he can't stand it so refuses to watch. He refuses to come and see them compete too

IzzyIsBusy Tue 23-Aug-16 23:58:39

Have posters missed the bit where fil who ex lives with has smacked the son around the head!!
I would not let my child stay overnight with somebody sho hits them angry

Honeyandfizz Thu 25-Aug-16 16:57:43

Sounds like you will go round in circles on this, have you thought of mediation? Honestly one night a week with their father isn't enough.

Blushingm Thu 25-Aug-16 17:44:03

I've made an appointment with a mediator

He didn't want a night in the week for tea plus the Friday night sleep and all day Saturday . They've got clubs 2 nights a week and Sunday morning so we would have had equal time spent but he wanted all weekend every week and then only with me weekdays when they were at school so only after school -

I didn't think that was fair on them or me as it would mean never a day out or anything with me

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