Ex filing for residency ..advice

[glitterwhip]

Hi I'm kinda new and I don't really have anyone else to ask from advice about this and is love to hear from some mums who've been through it
Anyway background I was with my ex for 12 years, we have 3 children...we split up 7 years ago
Currently I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and we are getting married in a week and also at the end of the month I'm moving to England..at the moment I'm in Northern Ireland
The relationship between my ex and I had not been great, a history of him maliciously contacting social services..they would come for a visit and ultimately just close the case
Now the latest thing is applying for residency 3 weeks before in due to move with my family
He's known for 6 months+ about this move as I sent him a letter via my solicitor outlining my plans and offering him alternative contact arrangements
Obviously I'm quite worried and I'm wondering should I be worried? Is there a chance he'll get residency of my children ..they are 16, 13 and 9

[NickiFury]

At that age your children will be asked what they want. What do they want?

[CallMeMaybe]

The sixteen and thirteen year olds' view will be taken into account, but the nine year old may be classed as too young still.

I would get legal advice personally. I was always of the opinion that residency would be unlikely to be awarded in these circumstances, until a friend recently lost residency of one of her children because she moved to another country. Despite her being the RP and the child having two other siblings

[millymollymoomoo]

What access/contact does he have now, versus what were you proposing for the future? The 13 and 16 year olds wishes will be taken into consideration, esp the 16 year old. If he sees them every weekend as an example now, its not reasonable really to expect that to drop to just odd holidays

regardless of your relationship with your ex he is their dad and its not surprising he wants to stop them leaving the country. What is their current relationship like? If

As a side, they are not 'your children', they have 2 parents.

You will need a very good plan for why the move is in the best interests of the children (is it?) and how you plan to facilitate contact arrangements.

[Lunar1]

How much does he see them? If anyone tried to take my children so far away I'd do everything possible to stop them.

[glitterwhip]

I understand he is their father and Iv done everything I can to facilitate the continued contact between himself and the children
..for example my new husband and I will be paying for flights home once a month for the children..they all have iPhones/tablets with Skype installed to have contact that way if they wish and Iv offered him contact during the holidays
Currently he sees the youngest child every 2 weeks ..2 nights overnight..the older 2 children have a more casual arrangement and they can go see him whenever they wish..which to be honest is more like once a month

[glitterwhip]

And Northern Ireland is not that far away from England ..it's a 30 minute flight
Just to add

[Lunar1]

You should be paying for flights twice a month if that's what he has now. I'd still try to stop you though. I could never be a plane ride away.

[Lunar1]

30 min flight, plus two lots of driving time, plus waiting for flight, plus delays. Not really a 30 min trip!

[VimFuego101]

Do the 16 and 13 year old want to move? If they are reasonably mature they will be allowed to make the decision for themselves.
The 9yo's opinion will be taken into account (and his relationship with his siblings - so if they stay, that might sway whether your ex gets residency of the 9yo too).


To be honest, it's very difficult to maintain a relationship with a child living that distance away. DSD's mother took her to live about 2 hours flight away. She was supposed to visit every month, but there was always something - flight schedules, friends parties, illness, schoolwork - that made it impossible, and DH hasn't been able to get there quickly when there's been emergencies. It's not as easy as just saying 'it's only 30 mins flight away, they can FaceTime'.

[glitterwhip]

I understand everyone's point of view
My problem is that I feel that his reasons for wanting to stop me are not as innocent as people seem to be thinking.
Like I said in my original post he's known officially about the move for 6 months but in actual fact he's known about it for almost 2 years because Iv taken my time in planning it and making sure everything was in place for my children
All my children do want to move, we've spent time in our new residence and the children seem excited for the move
I feel that if he honestly thought that preventing me from moving was in the children's best interest then he'd have applied for residency at the very least 6 months ago, before the children were accepting into new schools etc all of this he was aware of because I have been very open with him about my plans

[CallMeMaybe]

What kind of support network do you have in England?


Friend's DS was the same age as your youngest and the dad had very much the same access as your ex. He wanted to go with his mum and siblings, what went against her in the end was the fact that she has no family in the country she was moving to, whereas her dad's family live here in the Uk. And no, second husband's family didn't count as family in this instance.

She went from being Rp to being given no access at all.

A cautionary tale.

TBH if it was my ex I would do everything in my power to prevent you from taking my child away.

[glitterwhip]

Well obviously I'll have my husband, his family live about an hour away by car and I have a sister and her children who live roughly 45 mins away also

I don't feel he has done everything in his power though ..he's waited until the last minute and it honestly just feels like he wants to ruin my plans rather than it being genuine concern for his children if you see what I mean

[glitterwhip]

I have a good solicitor but I really just wanted a idea as to what his chances of success are ..iv asked my solicitor but getting a direct answer from solicitors seems to be virtually impossible
Though judging from the responses I'm getting here im not very hopeful

[VimFuego101]

Well regardless of the rights and wrongs, I would suggest you see a good lawyer and make a contingency plan in case you don't get to move as planned.

[VimFuego101]

X posted, sorry.

[Missgraeme]

If your ex kept your 9 year old here who would look after her? Does he work? Has he got family? What can he offer that u can't? Would he be welcome to visit her at her new home? Has he always paid child support (has he always been committed and responsible?) Judges do work on a for /against when summing up residency /contact - what's best for the child /negative effect etc.

[glitterwhip]

My ex does work but claims he doesn't so he claims benefits, so I don't know who would look after them. He lives in a one bedroom flat, he's never paid me a penny in maintenance in the 7 years we have been apart, I had to take him to court in order to set up the contact order we have in place now ..he failed to turn up twice to the court for that...I feel that myself and my new partner can offer the children a stable family home
My new partner and I don't currently live together because he works in England and I was reluctant to move with the children until I was sure everything was in place so obviously living together we'll be better off financially ...obviously this isn't something Iv done on a whim

[Lunar1]

Have you spent any time living together yet? With the normal day to day life with children?

[glitterwhip]

Yes we've been together for 5 years so we've spent a lot of family time together...it's not been possible for me to move permanently until now

[WannaBe]

Your ex's legal action aside, it is IMO unreasonable for one parent to deliberately move the DC away from the other. One parent shouldn't have the ability to decide what relationship the DC will have with the other, because moving away will affect the relationship the DC have with their dad, especially the nine YO. At the moment he is seeing his dad every other weekend, even if you were able to maintain this, which TBH is unlikely, there will come a point when having to fly backwards and forwards every other weekend will become a chore because of friends/school activities/other activities. And Skype is no substitute. Why can't your DP move?

[glitterwhip]

I'm not deliberately moving away to stop my ex seeing his children. Iv bent over backwards to make sure my children have contact with their father for the last 7 years
But my life also has to move on and I think my partner and I can provide a much better quality of life in England than I can here
It's not possible for him to move due to the job he's in...it's just really unrealistic

[millymollymoomoo]

I think if your 16 and 13 year old don't see him that regularly currently it seems and want to move then then that's s big factor and courts would listen to that.

I still think you have to demonstrate why the move is in their interests as opposed to yours, and how you will facilitate contact

If you can do that and the children express a wish to combined with not particularly frequent contact currently most likely you'd be blessed to go. But I'm not lawyer and you need legal assistance and advice

[millymollymoomoo]

Allowed not blessed

[WannaBe]

No I realise that you're not deliberately wanting to stop your ex seeing his children, but the reality is that your deliberate* move to be with your DP means that you are deliberately moving your children away from their dad.

What's happened for the last seven years is irrelevant, your children are still childreN who have a right to an equal relationship with both parents. Your rights are secondary to that.

I do sympathise, am in similar situation with DP who lives three hours away. He works in a niche industry so is not able to move to be with me, and I cannot move because that would mean taking DS away from his dad. So we will likely have to wait until he leaves school to be able to be together permanently. That is the choice I had to make when getting into a long distance relationship.