Confused

(4 Posts)
oneishab Thu 14-Jul-16 20:00:39

I have been married for 4 yrs now. I went on holiday to visit my family and when i came back after a month he was a new person. He went out every night and was getting very drunk and coming in at 5 in the morning. He refused to do anything with me. Just slept all day and went out at nights. One evening we had friends over and one of the girls came to tell me all the things he was saying about me in the kitchen. When i confronted him he called me a bitch, punched me in the face snd spat on me. My lip was busted and my teeth very sensitive. He said in front of evryone thay i was only good for sex. He became very angry at me crying nd left for days. I tried to talk about it but he was very defensive after.a few days later, he back drunk and started to raise his voice at me. His mum came to calm him down and he got very angry, punched the door and broke to fingers. His mum collapsed and he just stepped over her and started breaking glasses and screaming. I was so scared that i was hiding in the closet. I left and moved back to the uk but we stayed in contact. Eventually we decided to give it a try and he came to live with me. He was very miserable after the 3 week and started becoming very loud and saying very hurtful things. Eventually he decided to leave and go abroad. I encouraged him as i needed a break and was becoming stressed. He was not working and no matter what i did, he was never happy. After he left i became very close to a friend of mine...so much that i feel so strongly for him. My husband started to try to work things out but i had had enough and i completely shut him down. A few months later i started to think of him again. We have now started talking again and he wants to work things out. He apologized for what happened but everytime we talk we argue about it and he just wants me to forget it as he says he is not the worst person for doing it. He thinks i shoulf get over it. Meanwhile my feelings for the other guy are so strong. He makes me really happy and does everything to put a smile on my face . He is deeply hurt that i am considering working things out with my husband after all thag has happened when he loves me so much. I am so confused. Advice please

SandyY2K Fri 15-Jul-16 07:23:05

What advice would you like? Why are you confused when your husband has shown you who he is?

I'm struggling to understand why you would want to be married to a drunk, violent, verbally abusive and disresptful man.

He punched you and stepped over his own mother when she had collapsed!

There are red flags and there are direct messages that you are with an unsafe person - this is a full blown case of him not being worth it.

oneishab Fri 15-Jul-16 08:37:39

I just feel that i would be doing something wrong as the doctors said it is depression. He has stopped drinking and smoking now but the doubt remains. Thank you

sparkycus Sat 16-Jul-16 09:08:14

Stick with the new man or better still have time to just be single & heal from this

Drink / drugs just brings out a persons true personality .
If your H wasn't a nasty person deep down , drink wouldn't have made him hit you or say horrible things .

I'm sorry to be so harsh , but you deserve better .

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