recently separated looking to divorce so sad

(11 Posts)
bigmumprob Wed 06-Jul-16 11:50:48

hi hope you are having a better day than i am. just looking to vent here...and maybe get some advice..
H and i are recently separated and looking to divorce. he's a cheat but ever since we separated I've been super depressed and anxious. stomach won't calm down and i can't stop crying. when i do stop i can barely get out of bed. two kids (DD - 9 and DS - 6) who i can't seem to pay attention to which makes me feel sick bc i need to be strong for them.

went to GP to talk about options. Don't want to go on antidepressants. Any other advice and options? thank you

LittleCandle Wed 06-Jul-16 12:04:18

Anti depressants are very helpful and refusing them outright won't help you in the long run if you are depressed. I was very teary after separation (like you, he cheated on me) and it took me a long time to find my feet. Take each minute, each hour and each day at a time. You don't have to plan too far ahead at the moment. However, if you think you need some help from your GP, please don't rule out anti depressants if they are suggested. It could just be that you need some counselling and time, but listen to the experts - that is why they are there. good luck with moving on. Be kind to yourself.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 06-Jul-16 15:31:45

Little Candle has given you excellent advice. Be kind to yourself you are grieving your marriage particularly if you were cheated on.
I felt like the person I had fallen in love with had 'died' and been replaced with someone I didn't know, but still had to interact with as they were the father of my DC.
Counselling, anti-depressants can be very helpful and just talking about it can help to. Don't try and be brave with your friends.

MrsBertBibby Wed 06-Jul-16 19:45:37

I refused anti depressants for years, and I wish I hadn't. For me, it's been like a miracle, getting my brain off the anxiety hamster wheel.

Talking is important too, but think again about the drugs.

alexandragimenez Thu 07-Jul-16 09:53:28

ADs are helpful, but know your limits. Sometimes all you need is time. smile

mirright Tue 12-Jul-16 15:30:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lilacpink40 Thu 14-Jul-16 18:31:42

Just came on here to vent about how sad and angry I feel about my STBXH and I've seen your post.

7 mths apart DD10 and DS6. He is still with OW. He's being OTT with kids to try to act like he's the hurt saint and I deserved it.

I hate him so much. He was such a selfish passive agressive victim. Now his parents and girlfriend act as his entourage kissing his feet.

I empathise with you. I'm off antidepressants but unsure if I came off too early. Had counselling for many weeks. That really helped, but I think ultimately time is the healer. Have to keep on living until the living gets better! flowers

AishaandTRo Tue 19-Jul-16 20:31:23

The guilt you feel when you are aware that your kids can feel the pain you are in,is unbearable and adds to the emotional torment. I knew as soon as I couldn't control my tears in front of my daughter that I may be on the edge of losing control. That's the reason I joined mums net to try and find some one to talk to, I know I am a cereal bottler so I'm hoping talking is the way forward, like you I really don't want to resort to any kind of pill.

user1470236845 Sun 07-Aug-16 10:48:48

Hi I'm new to mums net and newly separated - he left 2 months ago. I have 3 kids. Currently feeling wretched - anxious with knot in stomach and head torturing me with negative thoughts! Please tell me it gets better! Don't want to go on AD and have tried yoga and swimming which help for a while but then the anxiety comes back! Aarg! Am I going mad? !

christina2604 Sun 14-Aug-16 17:27:37

Hi, I'm newly separated too guys and can feel all your pain, my husband left a week ago and up until he moved out was in denial but hit me hard when he left, its supposed to be like grief and after denial is the pain. I feel anxious all the time, can hardly eat and cannot concentrate at all, so glad I'm not back at work until September couldn't cope with that!! Although it is right we ended our relationship, been in an emotionless marriage for a long time it is extremely painful as we have been together 24 years. What helps me is forcing myself to go out and do things (got to for my 8 year old dd) and just keeping busy, would much prefer to curl up in a ball but not allowing myself to do that. Could do with some tips on how others got through the pain of a separation?? I'm here to talk too if anyone wants to? xx

faffalotty Mon 15-Aug-16 10:48:22

Hi all - I'm another struggling to cope. I've had a few threads in the relationships forum and have appreciated the support I've received there.

Briefly - together for 28 years, married for 20. DCs are 17 and 14. Have had to deal with lies at various points over the past few years and then finally a confession of an affair (in 2011) in June.

I have had a few sessions with a counsellor and she has said about it being like grief and that emotions will be all over the place (they are) for quite some time. Just can't predict how I am going to feel from 1 moment to the next. She does suggest trying to just focus on the present moment and on myself (which I think is like mindfulness?). I do try sometimes but when I'm feeling in a pit of despair it's just not possible.

I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I don't think people understand unless they've been through it themselves.

I see how I am feeling as a 'normal' response to the situation, so I haven't sought out any help from the gp (although I did get some valium from them at the point of discovery as I literally couldn't sleep). I think you need to assess if you've tipped over into something worse and if medication can help.

I do think that sharing and supporting on a forum like this can be helpful. Stops you feeling so alone and gives an outlet for thoughts that you may not want to share with anyone in RL

flowers for everyone. So so sorry that you are all going through this as it really is hellish

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