Any advice please on dealing with twat of an ex

(10 Posts)
Ladygaggia Mon 06-Jun-16 13:56:16

My ex husband and I have been separated for over a year now and both of us are happy with new partners.

He was very controlling and seems to want to continue this in our separate lives when it comes to the kids.

I am unable to communicate with him. I send him texts and emails that he ignores. I ask him if he will see the kids, or look after them in the holidays he refuses to be tied down to dates and times.

He also prefers for my kids to contact him to arrange seeing him (They are 12 and 14). I have repeatedly asked that all communication for seeing them comes through me, but he won't listen.

I haven't seen any maintenance since Feb, and then it was hit or miss. He says that if I go to CMS he will make sure I never see a penny.
He hasn't been working the last couple of months, so I have been lenient...but he has in this time managed to go away with his girlfriend to her home country.

What can I do to get him to make his kids as a priority?
Or do I have to accept that he is shit, and give up?
I feel bad for my youngest as he still thinks the sun shines out his arse.

Pisssssedofff Mon 06-Jun-16 15:08:12

Go to CMS you aren't seeing a penny anyway and they don't back date it so the sooner you call the sooner you'll get something.
You do pretty much have to accept he's shit and then faint in surprise when he isn't. The kids work it out for themselves in years to come

clarrrp Mon 06-Jun-16 15:18:52

What a tool. Go to the CMS - you should have done that at the start.

LilaTheTiger Mon 06-Jun-16 15:22:26

Detach.

Go to the CMS, you've hardly for anything to lose, have you?

And stop texting and emailing. If he asks to see the kids you can say yes if it fits in with your plans and no if it doesn't. He's getting his sick kicks from seeing you do all the running. Don't let him. I know it sounds easy and is hard, but in a couple of years you'll be kicking yourself you let him get to you like this.

Been there, he'll likely throw something else in the mix once you have this sorted, but try and stay calm and above all detached.

flowers because I know how impossible it can be

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 06-Jun-16 15:30:52

Go to the CMS nothing to lose, the kids are old enough (if they are happy with it) to sort visits. You will never make him see them as a priority so stop trying, stressed myself out for years there. Took myself out of the equation, girls sorted visits. The maintenance is paid but is nothing like it should be. Girls years later know him for what he is (yours will too). It's a long game unfortunately. The early years were hell. Pick the fights that will get you somewhere.Just my crappy experience. Good luck.

lifeisunjust Mon 06-Jun-16 20:26:51

It sounds controlling to ask for your husband to contact you to see his children. I think the children are old enough to be allowed to talk to their dad and not be controlled so much.

Ladygaggia Tue 07-Jun-16 08:54:59

Thank you. I have written him off as a father, but my son still believes his lies. I'll contact CMS today.
I don't prevent the kids from talking to him, I just don't want them responsible for organising seeing him. It should be between the adults.
My 12 year old is very immature and sensitive.
He needs routine, and my ex knows this. So why he won't agree to set weekends etc, I don't know.

LilaTheTiger Tue 07-Jun-16 21:07:47

Have you tried mediation swiftly followed by a solicitor to fix contact? Your 12yo sounds like mine x

Ladygaggia Wed 08-Jun-16 09:08:16

Do I need to engage a solicitor? I am reticent to do that as I'm struggling to budget at the moment and don't really have any extra money to pay for such things?

He phoned my son last night and refused to speak to me. Eventually he called back and we had a conversation.
He's seeing my son this weekend (not my daughter) and won't be pinned down to when he might offer any maintenance.
CMS will be contacted today!

Pisssssedofff Wed 08-Jun-16 09:37:46

Solicitors just pour petrol on the flames in my experience and set people up for unrealistic fights. Go to court and follow that procedure. I skipped mediation as ex hit me in 2014 - no proof was asked for though, just straight to court.

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