Is another relationship possible after failed marriage 2 kids

(11 Posts)
ChocolateOrchids Mon 30-May-16 11:54:17

Hi lovely ladies

I've recently separated from my husband due to infidelity. We were together 10 years all together.

We only got married in 2014 and I'm devastated. We conceived a honeymoon baby (we also have a 4 year old girl) I thought everything was bliss just to later find out he was having an intense relationship with a co-worker.

I have since kicked him out of our home! (Trust me leading up I gave him so many chances) - over a year I endured his lying and cheating before I finally decided it was enough.

Now.. I just want to know what your opinions are on settling down again, realistically is his possible?

I'd like to hear some experiences and stories if any of you have experienced what I have gone through.

I'm very traditional and I am a devoted mother to my kids I thought I did everything right, treating him good, cooking fresh meals everyday, cleaning, ironing his shirts, we also had amazing sex, we were best friends... I wonder where I went wrong?!!!

Will I ever trust again to find love, will men even butt an eyelid at a woman with my kind of baggage- 2 kids and previously married ( still waiting for him to serve me the divorce papers) I'm on mat leave and he is working so he can afford to, if I were working I would have served them already!!)

I do get attention from guy, but I just give them evils and I don't want to have a casual relationship,l. I just feel no decent man would want to settle down with me and my baggage.

What are your thoughts ladies.

Sorry for my long dissertation!

Thank you if you made it to th end lol.

Would love to hear from you! X

ALaughAMinute Mon 30-May-16 12:10:23

I think you will get more response if you ask for this to be moved over to the relationships section. Just click on your post to report it and send a brief message.

In response to your post, of course there is every chance you will meet someone else and settle down but by the sound of it you're not ready yet. Maybe have a look on OLD to see if there's anyone of interest but if I were you I'd leave it until you have a clear head.

By the way, you can do everything right in a marriage and they still go off and find someone else. By the sounds of it he's a cheating arse and you're well rid of him so there's probably no point in analysing what went wrong. Good luck.

ChocolateOrchids Mon 30-May-16 12:20:43

Thank you Hun.

I will copy and paste this post into relationships too! Good idea.

You're right, some part of me is not ready because my expectation is still very high because I know my worth but at the same time I do feel maybe that I cannot have such high expectations because of my baggage.

I do like the thought of having a companion a go to and someone to support you in life. In that aspect I'm ready.

I'll also leave this post in this section because I'd like to hear from ladies with my experience of divorced /separated how they have handled managing kids/ home/ finances alone without support of the father.

Thank you

X

Pinball1213 Mon 30-May-16 18:43:00

Hi there chocolate orchids

We'll I'm exactly in the same position as you except I'm a man and my cheating wife has been having an intense affair with a work colleague.

Like you everything seemed great and I just didn't see it coming. She says she loves me and realises what a good family we have but just can't give him up.

Anyway, I think that when you are ready that there will be many a man ready for someone like you. After all, there are many men in the same situation thinking the same thing.

I hope everything works out for you.

Minime85 Mon 30-May-16 19:33:59

Hi yes I do believe it is. It can take time and needs to be the right person. Don't see your kids as baggage. They are what make you and someone will come along who wants to have them and you in their lives.

ALaughAMinute Mon 30-May-16 21:38:32

OP, there are lots of women on this thread who are divorced/separated and successfully dating with young kids. Might be worth having a look:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2629311-Spring-has-sprung-and-the-sap-is-rising-Its-Dating-Thread-104

Snapespeare Mon 30-May-16 21:44:46

First of all, I'd stop referring to your marriage and your children as 'baggage'. If you see them as baggage, then other people will as well...and if someone saw my 3 children as 'baggage' then I wouldn't be interested in them anyway.

I would recommend an appropriate period of time to do some positive self appraisal, strip yourself down a bit, build yourself up, build your resilience and then consider dating. You might find you don't want to live with someone for an appreciable period, preferring to concentrate on yourself and your children for a bit. life can be strange and it might be that you stay single for a while - that's OK. I wouldn't rush into anything, give yourself time to process.

ChocolateOrchids Tue 31-May-16 08:24:38

Wow thank you, there is some really valuable comments and advice. I will definitely loose the term baggage, when you put it like that it sounds awful. I am a dedicated mother and my kids come first above all including myself.

So that term is definitely ditched and doesn't reflect well. I don't think I'm ready at all. I just wanted to hear some experiences of others on how things turned out. I just wonder how my life will be in about 5 years down the line.

I'm a very respectable and traditional woman. I have only had one sexual partner in my life, that is my husband so this field is extremely scary for me and uncomfortable.

Maybe I'm just too loyal. Ive always believed I would save myself for my husband only.

Ah well... Life ey!

Thank you again each and everyone of you for your responses.

Pisssssedofff Wed 01-Jun-16 18:54:33

I think it's difficult, I have four and people will take me out, date me and screw me but nobody wants the financial commitment and the fact that I'm not getting millions in spousal/child support and I didn't get a house out of the divorce is a hell of a hindered .... Single guys divorced or never married seem to think I'm after their house.

Cheapthrills Wed 01-Jun-16 19:06:21

I agree it's hard. It's not so much that men don't want to see you because of the children. To be fair a lot of guys I met were understanding, on the surface anyway. But I found it difficult logistically to start dating as my ex hardly sees the children so it involved money and babysitters and organising.

Everyone's situation is different though. I have friends whose exes have the dc every other weekend or even more and then it's easier. If you have free time go for it, if not I would wait a few years especially as you have a baby.

Chasingsquirrels Thu 02-Jun-16 12:44:43

My exH left just over 8 years ago when our dcs were 5 and just 2.
The first 12-18 months were v v v hard.
I did a bit of browsing OLD and chatted to a few people but never met up with anyone.
Then started seeing my boss (I'd worked there for 10+ years, I don't think either of us saw it coming!).
We got married yesterday - so yes it definitely can, and does, happen.

You don't sound ready yet though, you need to get over your marriage, move on with your life and make a new normal for you and your children.

All the very best for the future.

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