I think I'm done...(7 Posts)
As the title says, I think I might be done with my marriage. We've had our ups and downs for years, nearly split twice but the way my husband has been since the birth of DC2 in January is making me think enough is enough.
Since DC2 has been here, he has been horrendous. Very verbally scathing and abusive, very unhelpful (will stay in bed all morning/early afternoon and not lift a finger to help with the children), will over-exaggerate his role in anything he does and goes to the pub every other night.
He has spoken to me like I'm dirt (been called a 'fucking cunt', 'a waste of space', a 'cretin' and other lovely things on many occasions.
Constantly shouts and swears and launches tirades at me (he used to do this when our DC1 wasn't around but is now doing it in front of him, something which I find unforgivable.
He is often too over the limit in the mornings to help me with anything.
He threatened to leave the other week (I told him he should go), but backed down as I think he realised that he can't afford it.
I think he's trying to force me into the position where I tell him we're done. He's so fucking preoccupied with how he looks and how brilliant he appears to others that I swear he's trying to make himself look blameless (the whole 'she left me') thing.
I don't know what to do for the best. I don't want to upset my DC1 but this cannot continue.
I'm not leaving my house as I have more equity in it than he has.
We have no family nearby so have nowhere to actually go.
I am worried that if we split, he'll be a fixing dreadful father. He'll be vitriolic about me and poison my little ones. He drinks so much at night that I can't see him being a responsible person for them to be with.
I want to move 4 hrs away to be nearer to family and I'm scared he'll try to stop that.
Never been in this position before and, to be honest, I'm scared and haven't got a clue what to do. But I think as far as the relationship is concerned, I'm done.
I don't know what to say except that you will hold it together and you will all be fine.
Don't stay for the children. I am in a very different but very similar position. The best advice I have had is that I have to be well to look after my babies. You do too. If you put up with that then what kind of mother will you become?
Therein lies your answer.
Keep on keeping on.......
You sound as if decision is made OP and it's now about how to do it. Yes he may be pushing you to put the final nail in. My ex did this, although no where near as bad as what you have said, and in the end I realised he needed me to say the words you're done with this aren't you and I'm not going to live like this anymore.
He shouldn't be able to stop you moving at all. You would have to help with contact such as travelling. My friend moved to Spain and the judge couldn't stop her just put conditions on contact that's all.
Go and see a solicitor if you can and see where the land lies re the house etc.
And yes he may be all perfect dad now and I think they do that as part of them suddenly realises what they are missing out on. But if you do everything right and keep the kids at the from of decisions about what happens to them, then they will see him for what he really is in the end.
Try and get evidence of his alcoholism if possible. You should seek legal advice if you are concerned about the safety of your children and see whether only daytime visits could be the case .
If he is known to have a drink problem.. he could be subject to random breath tests while he has the kids.
What age are the kids?
I've been in this position and although I got him removed by the police the house was eventually sold from under me and my two children (4 and 2) because I couldn't pay the mortgage. He has also been successful on stopping me so far through the courts in moving 2 hours away to be close to family as I have no family around me. I don't know how you feel about access but I've been fighting in court for 2 years because of the children not being safe with him...
He can't stop you moving anywhere, especially if he's a abusive drunk.
Start recording him
Committing adultery with a married man is not really a great choice.
You will I presume no idea the feelings or consequences of this on the children whose father is being a wanker with you?
Perhaps look for a man who isn't married?
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