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(5 Posts)
JanetinJeans40 Wed 27-Apr-16 17:47:02

I know it varies and there is no set 'rule' but my ex has started asking for an extra night 'just now and then' for our DD to sleep at his and I don't want this. He currently has her to stay alternate weekends and Weds eve then takes her to school next morning. He also has her one extra after school eve and brings her back at 6pm. We split up 4.5 years ago and this arrangement was agreed by both of us. DD has ASD and though she loves being at his, she also needs regular routine. He has also been quite manipulative by saying things to her like, 'It's ridiculous that you have to rush back to mummy's' which she has repeated to me and got quite upset. He's asking for an extra night every now and then but I know this will move on to an extra night every week soon if I let it. I want to know what the norm is - it basically works out at 2 overnights and one eve per week. I know it's what is best for the chid but I don't believe it is currently better for her - I was a full-time SAHM when we were together, he has anger issues and was EA to me. He's angry and bitter towards me and I'm pretty sure this latest ask is because he thinks I've got a partner and this will change his relationship with her. Would the court rule that she be with him more if it came to that?

lifeisunjust Wed 27-Apr-16 18:40:17

50 /50 perhaps? That would be very routine.
Yes it sounds too bitty what you are doing.

kittybiscuits Thu 28-Apr-16 07:55:56

Does he pay maintenance? Is he trying to reduce it? I would email asking him not to put your DD in the middle of the situation and I would just start sticking to the current agreement to the letter. Very low key responses - no that doesn't work for us.

kittybiscuits Thu 28-Apr-16 07:56:31

Does your ex know you use Mumsnet?

JanetinJeans40 Thu 28-Apr-16 10:15:16

Hi Kitty - yes he does and tracks it. Thanks for advice - he does pay CM and it's taken a long time to get him to pay the fair amount. He is very manipulative with DD and it is upsetting to think what these messages are doing to her as I can tell she is taking on guilt about being questioned and put in this situation which she absolutely should not be. Yes, a short reply seems to be the way to go.

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