Divorce pros & cons

[Angelissa]

Hi all. Not sure if anybody has been through this but need advice.
OK, husband and I together what would be 7yrs this year. Married 3. Have a 13mth old child. All hunky dory (more or less) until child born, and MIL started to interfere BIGTIME!!! She always has been a bit of an interference in our marriage sadly, as husbands apron strings are still very tightly tied (even though he's mid-30s).
Demands went from an issue to a serious problem, with her wanting to take our child from me to spend time together. This started only a couple weeks after the birth. She refused to come visit at our home because I would be there, and on the occasions we all went to her home to visit, I was often met with an icy reception (as I was obviously of no requirement to their family, only my child).
Background on her: hardcore 'Christian' who only found religion about 15yrs ago,but one of those people who you know to not be a true Christian at all Very controlling and manipulative, demands respect but does not offer it to others. Everything on her terms...I could go on...

Husband has NEVER crossed her for fear of her disapproval or upsetting her. He puts on a good boy personality in her company-totally alarming behaviour!

Anyway, after a while he turned to support his mothers demands which resulted in me and baby moving in with parents (7mths ago), getting a solicitor, husband taking us through the courts for contact order (even though he had access) and has lied through his teeth to keep his mothers name out of it. The whole thing has been his mother behind it all but unfortunately the court are only bothered if there are welfare issues with her.When asked for a divorce,he has said no or avoided the topic altogether . At present his access is increasing rapidly (despite various incidents where he has not cared for our child properly but not big enough to impact on his contact, he has also lied on paper about things he has or hasn't done for our child but again, not big enough to concern the legal system). My solicitor has advised against filing for divorce as it will cause stress and another court issue, and knowing him, he will contest the grounds I would file listing his mother, which I'm told can be up to 5years.

I am livid this woman has broke up my marriage, my family and is accommodated by the legal system as she is the 'grandmother' and still parades around referring to herself as a good Christian lady when she blatantly is not!
I don't know what to do as she has effectively won by getting me offside to have her time with my child on her terms.
Has anybody been through this?

[tornandhurt]

You have my sympathy op. I've experienced this too. To the point I am currently in the middle of divorce (nisi due to be granted in just over a week) - yet I have a STBXH that regularly cries and tells me he loves me, whilst agreeing with every single negative thing his parents tell him about me. Its no life.

I don't know that I can offer any significant advice other than to stand your ground, document absolutely everything, no matter how small it may appear at the time. She'll be feeding off the fact that she thinks she's affecting you so badly. I would try your hardest not to fight your ex. I've learned (well still trying to be honest and its not easy at all) to try and smile and accept, then call them every name under the sun when no-one can hear me. I hold on to the hope that one day their behaviour will come back to bite them on the arse! xx

[Mum2680]

Hi , I really feel for you because I am in the same boat with a very much Christian MIL who is actually the biggest devil you can find on the planet . Has taught the kids how to manipulate and be greedy which they are now paying a price for . My husband says he loves me but when it comes to his mother he will turn the world upside down for her but if I want something for my parents it's not the same . When I spoke to my physiatrist she said "what does this behaviour show you " and I said he does not stand for truth and what's right " she said absolutely "do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that ? " and I got my answers . Regarding your troubles I would say be calm , because I think you are being manipulated and please make points of what they have done and said to you because that's important and Remember your not alone in this fight , I am fighting a hard battle too and for all the bad things peple do to you it will come back to them in a very bad way ..KARMA.. Fight back and be strong ,fingers crossed xxxx

[Angelissa]

I empathise with you 100%. Its literally the worst thing to be put through as we know it ultimately affects our kids.they now come from broken home, in terms only of divorced parents. I am going to go ahead and file for divorce because I know he is not the man I want any attachment to and its come too far to reconcile. This man comes out of the court room and shouts Yessss!! As he walks towards his mother. It says it all really.
I am just worried about what other rights this gives him when we do legally divorce. School choices, holidays etc