How can I help my emotionally unstable Mother who is reaching crisis point.

(6 Posts)
Amillionquestions Tue 22-Dec-15 09:48:25

Four days before Christmas and I start a thread with that title! But yesterday my stepdad of 20 years announced he cannot cope with Mum and he wont be around for Christmas.

My Mother is a binge drinker (she gets incoherrantly drunk 2-3 nights a week) and behaves completely wrecklessly, the only thing which has stopped her from tipping over the edge is her Husband. She is verbally abusive to him 90% of the time something which has become progressively worse since I moved out 8 years ago. About 4 years ago her Husband allowed male friend of hers (a fellow binge drinker) to live with them both as her behaviour seemed to relent a little with him in the house but she has now started to push this friend away as well.

Back in October my stepdad came to talk to me and tell me that she had begun physically abusing him, he was becoming concerned about snapping as he was pushed to hit back on one occasion (in a public space!)

I have spoken to Mum about therpay on several occassions offering to both pay and go with her, she had a series of traumatics deaths in her family which she never came to terms with so we have discussed this but she keeps pretending to call the numbers I give her so I feel although she recognises she needs help she wont follow through with it.

I have a older Brother but I feel he is just about ready to turn his back on the situation. My Mother will be left with next to nothing, she works the odd day but she has not had even a part time job for 10 years. How can I get her back on track? She is currently going out until 3am sometimes getting lost and calling her Husband to come and find her, when he is gone I will be non stop worried about her. I have two step kids and a steady relationship with their Mother, she has agreed to let us have the Kids for Christmad Day this year which we are so excited about but now I worry that my Mum will be a mess. My stepdad spoke to us before he spoke to Mum yeaterday, he has told her he is leaving but she has not spoken to me about it yet so I dont quite know how she is coping, I wanted to wait until ahe reached out to me but perhaps I should call her? My Husband thinks we should be looking into sectioning her for her own safety - do any of you know about the process of sectioning a relative? She needs help but I dont know the logistics of how to get it to her if she wont accept it from me?

Any advice or just shared experiences are welcome?

MrsPnut Tue 22-Dec-15 19:51:19

She is unlikely to be sectioned based on what you have said, she has to be a severe danger to herself or others before that comes into effect.

Maybe she needs to really hit rock bottom before she can find a way to accept help and help herself? I know you will worry and I know it seems really harsh but she has to want to do it for herself.

Gazelda Tue 22-Dec-15 19:57:48

If she didn't drink, do you think her behaviour would be more stable? Does she see that she is abusive?

I think there is an organisation associated with AA that focusses on the relatives and friends of alcoholics - might it be worth giving them a ring?

I tend to veer towards letting her reach rock bottom. But I can imagine how painful this must be to watch as a daughter.

Mrscaindingle Tue 22-Dec-15 23:17:39

I agree that alcohol seems to be the main issue here from what you've written and unfortunately (or fortunately) you cannot get people sectioned for making poor choices.
Relatives can no longer get their family members sectioned and a person needs to have an illness which impairs their judgement ( schizophrenia, dementia etc) and also be deemed to be a risk to themselves or others.

Alnon offers support for relatives of alcoholics, it is a very difficult thing to do to watch someone you love destroy themselves this way but until she wants help to stop I'm afraid there is little you can do except detach to protect yourself and your own family. sad

0dfod Wed 06-Jan-16 17:23:29

I am so so sorry Op that you are going through this, it is awful to see a loved one self destructing before your very eyes.

The reality is that only she can face her problems and seek help as much as it must pain you to see her in such a mess.

She will only be sectioned if she is a danger to herself or to others.

Have you looked into groups for people such as yourself with alcohol dependent family members? They can be tremendously supportive and helpful.

Realistically the only thing you can do is arm her with information regarding therapy, treatment and groups that she can turn to if and when she is ready to take the first steps of recovery.

Sadly most people with severe alcohol dependency will often need to reach rock bottom before they can acknowledge properly to themselves that they need help.

I hope that one day soon your dm can start the path to recovery, for all your sakes.

0dfod Wed 06-Jan-16 17:25:27

Ps you may find it more helpful for you if this was moved to the relationships board.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now