HELP! advice on prioritising finances

[freida20]

PLease advice - I want to start taking control of my finances as my OH as left me. he is continuing to pay same as before into joint ac which pays mortgage and household bills through D/D I pay all else - food petrol clothes outings kids clubs blahdey blah through a credit card - we each have one and he still has his card but the account is in my name.
I don't want to rock the boat but I want to start taking control. I know he will eventually need his own money to cover rent or whatever (when he moves out of his mums) and i know i can (for the moment) be financially secure with a minimum input from him.

HOWEVER - if i put the mortgage in my name will this be to my advantage in long term if i am seen to pay it or will it jeapordise my chances for remortgaging if i ve been seen to separate my finances so quickly. will it make no difference if i am paying but he still contributing to joint account?

Half of me wants to separate finances as soon as possible but part of me thinks I should keep taking his money as long as possible and put aside for future or for boys school residentials or something.

I am on a 1 year contract with no idea whether it will renew on the full time basis i am on at moment or on part-time basis or whether i need to find something new to accomodate being with children more.

so basically should i move mortgage to a different bank account and take it on or is there a reason i shouldn't do this???
TIA for any advice

[DivorceAlchemist]

Hello frieda20 you don't say at what stage you are in your separation but it's important not to make quick decisions because you want to get control which is understandable. Have you taken any legal Advice or considered mediation? Before you start taking unilateral action, consider mediation to support you both in a kind way with your financial disclosure which will need to be done on divorce. You will only do this once. It will help you both get clear about where you are and what you both need to move on financially. Your mediator will help by explaining the law and the different options available to you.

[freida20]

Thank you for the advice - he left 2 weeks ago. If we were to have a separation agreement would that enable us at a later date to deal with divorce in an easy/simplified manner?

[STIDW]

A separation agreement separating the finances now then divorcing after 2 years with consent from your partner when emotions are not so high can be less conflicted/easier/cheaper. Such an agreement isn't legally binding or enforceable, although they can carry considerable weight as long as there is full disclosure, both parties take legal advice & the agreement is "fair' i.e. complies with family law.

If you can agree between yourselves, with the help of a mediator or through solicitors negotiating on your behalf a family solicitor can draft a separation agreement (or if you divorce, consent order.) It is common for the spouse enjoying sole use of former matrimonial home to pay the mortgage & bills if they can afford to do so. However there is no advantage in changing the mortgage until a settlement has been reached because the property is a family asset until then. Mortgage payments would show in your bank statements.

You would be well advised to see a family solicitor sooner rather than later to find out where you stand & what options there are in your particular circumstances.Then you can negotiate from an informed position. IF you accept minimal input from your husband it sets a precedent which could be difficult to change later.

[freida20]

Thank you DivorceAlchemist and STIDW - I have sought the advice of a solicitor and i think I am going to go down the route of agreeing finances with ex and then the solicitor can fomalise/legalise it all in a separation order.

Of course this is entirely dependent on whether we can mutually agree amicably about what will happen with the house etc but your advice and that of my solicitor has stopped me from acting rashly! So for example I'm still allowing him to pay all the money into the joint account so I can afford things while everything is in limbo - and it is Christmas!!

I've also accepted there's no use panicking or being bitter about it. Although it will be hard I can see that at the end of the day if things don't go the way I hope for me and the children, then it is not the end of the world. I will have to move house but I will (most likely anyway) still have enough money to put a deposit on a new house and start again.
Thank you for advice - now just got to start having those difficult conversations!