Ex abusive oh moved out - but what to do with the house?

(12 Posts)
outofpaper Wed 18-Nov-15 22:07:50

We both own it jointly, and in an ideal world I would love to buy him out but cannot afford it.
He comes and goes as he pleases but nothing I can do as his name is on the mortgage (I checked this with a solicitor)
He is getting worse as he is loosing control, so any moment I spend in his presence is emotional torture (we have a small ds together).
I also pay ALL the mortgage - he just pays child maintenance and occasionally helps out with other costs (seems to enjoy making me squirm for it though)

I have been considering the option of selling then renting but I know that will be a huge upheaval and I will feel bad about loosing my home.

Just don;t know what to do I can;t take ex oh anymore he is trying anything he can to get control back so I wonder if the best thing to do is count my losses and make a clean break.

or does anyone know if there are any other options for me at all?

outofpaper Wed 18-Nov-15 22:10:59

Sorry I should also mention that I got him to move out by threatening to call the police for being physically violent...

Newbrummie Wed 18-Nov-15 22:51:54

Lots of other options like him putting a roof over his child's head until he's 18.
The house gets transferred into your name and you change the locks.
Everyone will tell you not to do it but possession is 9/10ths of the law and what is he going to do about it

TeamBacon Wed 18-Nov-15 22:54:09

Oh god, I know your pain. I'm just about to go through the same thing. Not married, both names on the mortgage, small kids. I've heard I can stay, but I just don't know. It terrifies me.

TeamBacon Wed 18-Nov-15 23:03:45

Newbrummie - how would something like that happen?

traviata Wed 18-Nov-15 23:08:22

if you are married - get divorced and apply in the divorce for a transfer of property order.

if you are not married - apply under Children Act 1989 Schedule 1 for a transfer of property order (chances are the court will say that ex gets his share when DS becomes adult).

get legal advice ASAP.

TeamBacon Wed 18-Nov-15 23:10:24

That's very helpful.

Sorry for the hijack op. Stbxdp has never been violent, his abuse is so subtle I don't believe it sometimes. I'm just scared to take the leap.

outofpaper Thu 19-Nov-15 08:55:54

Thanks for the advice, & sorry to hear you are going through the same thing TeamBacon flowers - nightmare isn't it.

I've been looking at the transfer of property thing. Its sounds interesting but no doubt ex oh will not be happy about it.
How does it work though with regards to his half of the house? Does he not get back what is his?

outofpaper Thu 19-Nov-15 09:16:38

Part of me feels I should just sell up and break away - move out the area (which isn't great tbh), stick 2 fingers up at him and get on with my life. I think that if I stayed here it would be like putting my life on hold, never being able to afford to do anything...

Newbrummie Thu 19-Nov-15 18:12:15

I don't quite know how it happens exactly but my solicitor is adamant the house will be transferred into my name at the end of all this, you have to show the building society you can pay the mortgage which I've been doing for the past three years without fail and that seems to be sufficient, I guess they see us as being a proven entity.

WavingNotDrowning Mon 23-Nov-15 21:34:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bofski14 Mon 23-Nov-15 23:13:50

Going through this too. It's shit isn't it? Joint mortgage, 2 year old DD. He earns £40-50k, I'm a SAHM with disabilities.

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