I can see a messy divorce looming.

[TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee]

Hello.

STBXH have just had one huge, almighty and final row, having separated twice already this year. (The latest being late July, and I've been on benefits since.) I don't want to go into detail but he was given one last chance and he has basically completely fucked it up and I can already hear the chorus of "I told you sos" from my DSisters.

I am currently 17 weeks PG, with DDs 7&4 as well. I am on Income Support, and I just want this joke of a marriage over, I want my maiden name back and I want to get on with my life as best as I can. DDs are not his; this baby, however, is.

I can't imagine allowing him unsupervised access to this baby (for a start he's currently dossing at his mates house, who smokes weed/drinks a lot, and its also a house share with 2/3 other addicts. STBXH is a drinker.) So thats not suitable, although his DS13 from a previous relationship is allowed to go there EOW, however not my child, not my business, apparently (I have raised concerns with his DM) Baby will BF, co sleep with me, carried in a sling etc, thats just the way I choose to parent. He's missed every scan and antenatal appointment so far.

I imagine this is something we will have to thrash out in court Whilst I would agree to supervised contact centre, obviously I would have to be there to feed baby etc. (This is assuming all goes well, and I actually have a healthy live baby, it has not been an easy pregnancy so far and I MCd last year.) His DS has violence issues and he is now adult sized (stands a good 5 inches taller than me already with no signs of slowing down) and I am concerned about how he would be around a new baby considering his behaviour towards my DDs.

He has racked up ridiculous amounts of debts. Just this morning a court summons arrived for him, for non payment of TV Licence. I had no idea he wasn't paying the bill. I've just called them and bought a brand new one in my name. Rent arrears, C.Tax arrears, Water arrears, its actually unbelievable the scale of the debt and his deception.

I would assume I stand very little chance of getting any of these paid back by him, and so will have to scrape Christmas/birthday/baby gear AND paying these debts off with the little benefits I get. Is there any Legal Aid available these days?

Sorry for the really long post I just don't have anyone in RL to talk to, and my MH is not great (I've been in a depressed cycle of BPD for a while now, and I have anxiety/panic attacks too, all of which are medicated but I won't take decent doses due to the baby.)

[MidnightVelvetthe3rd]

Sorry to hear this OP & sorry for your loss

Your sisters don't matter, put them out of your mind. Its your choice whether to end your marriage or not & sneering from the sidelines is not at all helpful. If you think they will be supportive then be honest with them if they don't already know & if they are unsupportive then ignore them for the time being.

You can change your name whenever you like, you don't have to wait for your divorce to be finalised.

Are the debts in joint names or just in his name? If they are just in his name then ignore them, they won't affect you. If they are joint names then the options available depend on how much debt there is as you are both liable for the whole amount.

i think there is Legal Aid for DV cases but not much else, I could be wrong though.

If you don't have a solicitor already then book an appt with the CAB if you can't afford a solicitor. They can help with the debt but with the other questions too.