How did you pay for your divorce?

(9 Posts)
2sugarsandadog Fri 31-Jul-15 18:53:23

That's it really. He won't pay anything. No-ones about to give me a 20k mortgage. Is it really about a Novitas loan and that's the long and the short of it? I've been told banks and building societies no longer offer them.

Newbrummie Fri 31-Jul-15 19:48:43

I'm in exactly the same boat, he can't / won't pay and won't improve his position in order to do so.
I have 4 DCs and if I drag myself out of this shit then that shows I need less from the divorce doesn't it as I'm capable. It looks like we will loose everything tbh.

2sugarsandadog Fri 31-Jul-15 21:57:12

Do you mean financially capable? I'm banking on getting a loan which will be paid from the proceeds of the sale of the house. I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean nb.

SafetyStirrups Sat 01-Aug-15 00:15:31

Pfft - I'm almost two years post separation (and from date of official intimation that I wished to divorce) - matters not a fucking jot to those Ex arseholes that think they rule the world (and have the money and backing to fuck you and your Dc over time and time again).

I feel for you 2sugarsandadog but the system is woefully outdated and not fit for purpose. Another Mn'er recently asked (words to the effect of) 'Is the current Court system suitable for the actual needs of children?'.

Is it fuck would be my response.

Some bloated male figure, high on his own self importance, adjudged that our Dcs should have contact with a number of relatives all of whom have never given a shiny shit about them - indeed, lied, manipulated, and coerced said Dcs into close contact with a person who sexually abused my STBXH from the age of 8 onwards, and whose (abusive relative) own child behaved in a terrifyingly promiscuous way as a young teenager.

I'm no longer able to financially access Legal support due to Ex's ability to pay for a hearing whenever he wishes.

I have just two days in which to decide whether to toe the line in respect of being seen to be the 'amicable' parent by an outdated legal system...or to decide to stand up for the ultimate wellbeing of our Dcs.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Newbrummie Sat 01-Aug-15 13:18:43

This is the thing, they don't care if the money is a loan or from your other child's child support or if you literally starve for a month to pay it. If you have legal representation or are seen to have means of any description it seems to count against you.
My lawyer worked for free for me but Ex literally cried in court that he was loosing his children because he couldn't afford representation and was being bullied ... Twat

2sugarsandadog Mon 03-Aug-15 07:43:56

So sorry about your situation SS. That sounds just awful

So, if your're not working, but not claiming any benefit because your controlling H 'supports' you, you're stuffed. Is that the long and the short of it?

Newbrummie Mon 03-Aug-15 15:54:00

That is about the size of it yes, even claiming benefits doesn't make any difference

RedDaisyRed Wed 05-Aug-15 22:20:31

I had to pay his and my solicitors' costs ( do I paid double!) even though he got my life savings and more than half the assets. Divorce law is very unfair.

SafetyStirrups Tue 11-Aug-15 11:02:59

Late back to this, sorry.

Yes, 2sugarsandadog what you mention in your last post is similar to my situation too. I was working but the demands of my job meant I could be several hours from home on any given day - not a problem ordinarily as I had good registered childcare in place and managed (just) to squeeze my work commitments into those hours. Not so good when I was working and received a call saying Dc ill and had to be collected from school etc. The school weren't very understanding when I said I'd be there in 3 hours and childcare provider won't take an ill child of course. Work not understanding of my having to be at home with ill child for days either. Eventually I had no option but to resign. Bye bye hard fought for career, pension etc.

Ex unable to provide childcare for weeks on end as after separation he decided to take a post abroad, at 4x the salary he was happy to sit at while we were married (I worked during the marriage too). He comes back every couple of months to play with the children, take them on lovely holidays, and buy them lots of very expensive electronic gadgets.

Ex ran through all my savings with legal letters and hearings. I'm still in thousands of pounds of debt to my solicitor, and nowhere nearer a divorce than I was 2 years ago!

I can't sign on as I'm in a catch 22 situation. There are no jobs locally in my field, and others that I could do won't entertain me as I'm 'overqualified'. I'm happy to clean, scrub loos, anything but no luck just worry and poverty. Yes, so he pays the mortgage, but this is in self interest as when we do eventually divorce this will make him look very good and he'll obviously get a large percentage of the equity.

I'm not a person anymore, I'm just a housekeeper and childminder for a dickhead.

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