so sad children have to live like this

(126 Posts)
Pasithea Wed 22-Jul-15 18:49:39

For a specific reason I spend 45 minutes in a McDonald's / garage. Car park on Friday evening.
during this time 4 cars pulled up and one or two children got out or where carried to another car with obviously the other parent in. Cases swapped , children swapped and off they went.

It must be so horrible to be passed over like this on a weekend , some where crying most just resigned. How can kids continue with clubs and friends etc when they spend weekends away with another parent.

Bubblesinthesummer Wed 22-Jul-15 18:51:38

So what do you propose? No contact with NRP at all?

MrsUltracrepidarian Wed 22-Jul-15 18:52:28

Hmm - a bit judgemental.
Why are you there? Really - does seem contrived to push buttons.

MyGastIsFlabbered Wed 22-Jul-15 18:53:31

My kids go to their father's to stay every other weekend. He picks them up from my flat, they're excited to see him; when he brings them back they're excited to see me. Surely this is way better than them not seeing him?

Only1scoop Wed 22-Jul-15 18:56:09

Maybe they should stay with their fighting unhappy parents then ....so that they can continue with 'clubs' etc weekly hmm

usualsuspect333 Wed 22-Jul-15 18:56:19

What do you suggest then? They don't see the NRP?

TinyManticore Wed 22-Jul-15 18:57:24

Well presumably they've got to get to see their parent somehow. Would you rather they teleported so you don't have to see it?

Missdee2014 Wed 22-Jul-15 19:02:34

Does someone have their judgy pants on today? Clearly never been in a separation where kids are involved. One of my kids is currently in another country to spend time with her father. She's happy, he's happy. (My hearts breaking and will til she walks back through my door at the end of a very long 5 days).

All that really matters though is the kids' happiness.

Missdee2014 Wed 22-Jul-15 19:03:21

Id be more concerned as to why you spend 45mins in a car park of an evening!!

Singsongsung Wed 22-Jul-15 19:03:47

OP I totally agree with you. It's desperately sad. I think it's sad that any relationship breaks down where children are concerned and I think people really should think long and hard about their relationship before children come along. It saddens me when I see the "ltb" comments on here. People seem to enter into and subsequently leave relationships so quickly these days.
I was with my dh for 6 years before we married and a further 7 before we had children. Slow down. Get to know each other. See having children as the commitment it is. Maybe if more people did that, less would be in McDonald's car parks getting handed over each week.

Luckyfellow Wed 22-Jul-15 19:04:32

I agree the passover style you witnessed seems cold like the parents can't have a chat or welcome each other into their homes when the children are being exchanged. It may be a case of distance. The parents may live so far apart they have to meet in the middle.

TinyManticore Wed 22-Jul-15 19:05:56

Really? People should stay in marriages where they are being treated appallingly, beaten, raped, financially abused etc so the children don't have to be handed over in McDonald's car parks? Wow.

oddfodd Wed 22-Jul-15 19:09:18

Personally I think it's a lot sadder that people stay in shit relationships 'for the sake of the children'. And as for 'being in a rush' - some couple don't have the luxury of waiting 13 years elite they have children hmm

oddfodd Wed 22-Jul-15 19:09:45

Elite = before

NerrSnerr Wed 22-Jul-15 19:14:12

Of course it's devastating if children are brought up in an abusive household, but it is still sad that children have to be brought up with separated parents sometimes. I'm glad my parents divorced as they were terrible together but I still found it upsetting that it happened and that's the life we had.

MayDivorceBeWithYou Wed 22-Jul-15 19:14:15

Singsong... That is a very sanctimonious and smug post. Relationships break down for all sorts of reasons and some after many years together.

That's lovely that you are happily married. Some of us couldn't make it work because our other half wasn't going to try and in my own case, became an abusive bastard.

I'm sad kids are passed around too but I'm sure there are tons of parents trying really hard to get it right with shit options.

Pasithea Wed 22-Jul-15 19:14:55

It can't be good for children to watch their parents totally blank each other . My parents split when I was 16 and that was young enough. I still have really bad guilt from when my dad completely blanked my mum at family occasions.

And for those that where nosey enough to know what I was doing I was waiting for an emergency vet as an animal I was transporting had a fit.

Viviennemary Wed 22-Jul-15 19:19:03

Doesn't sound very great. I think people should stay together once they have had children.

PinkTardis Wed 22-Jul-15 19:23:36

I'm just back from handing my son to his dad's for his weekly time with our son. 50/50 totally shared custody.

OUR son. Who we BOTH made and love. Why would I keep him to myself of course I'm going to take him to spend time with his dad.

Today we did handover in Morrisons - right outside the entrance. Not because we can't stand each other but because ex finished work so I meet him right at the end of his shift and he takes ds shopping. I live an hour away its practical and it works for us.

If people wish to look at us exchanging small talk and passing ds between us with pity that's fine. Ds laughs with excitement every time and I bet is way happier then if me and ex where still together.

There's a number of reasons why those people do swops on neutral territory. Distance between parents, new partners so want home lives separate from exs, even something simple like a new baby sleeping at home so drop offs done away from the house to avoid disturbances.

Life would be good if family's stayed together and loved each other to the end but sometimes we fall for someone who has an affair or in some cases someone who is abusive. Should we really stay together for the sake of kids?

oddfodd Wed 22-Jul-15 19:25:18

No matter what Vivienne? Even if one of the parents is abusive to the other partner and/or the children?

It's a very glib thing to say.

FeelTheNoise Wed 22-Jul-15 19:27:06

Oh please, there are so many worse things to experience in childhood hmm I've picked up DS from my dad in tescos car park after a sleepover before, likewise from my mum at the train station, the poor deprived sod wink

Missdee2014 Wed 22-Jul-15 19:28:37

Viviennemary are you serious?? If you are then sadly you have a lot to learn about life. Many of us stay in unhappy relationships for the sake of the children but at the end of the day unhappy parents make for unhappy children.

To the poster (too tired to go back and see who) that said that you should wait (13 years you waited) to have children. It really doesn't matter how long you wait, not every relationship will last after children regardless how well you know the other parent. Again, I hope you stay as smug as you are and don't look back in years to come and regret your smug comment.

Bubblesinthesummer Wed 22-Jul-15 19:36:38

Doesn't sound very great. I think people should stay together once they have had children.

Ridiculous comment! So you want people to stay together despite in some cases DV or affairs for example? What a sanctimonious and narrow minded view

Bubblesinthesummer Wed 22-Jul-15 19:39:51

*People seem to enter into and subsequently leave relationships so quickly these days.
I was with my dh for 6 years before we married and a further 7 before we had children. Slow down. Get to know each other. See having children as the commitment it is. Maybe if more people did that, less would be in McDonald's car parks getting handed over each week.*

My DH was with his ex for 20 years before she had an affair. What do you suggest he did, just get on with it and carry on?

Amount of time together is no measure of whether a marriage or relationship will last.

mrsdavidbowie Wed 22-Jul-15 19:42:11

Oh Vivienne you have no idea.
So a woman has to put up with abuse because its better to stay together?

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