Any chance for spousal maintenance?

[mummyfromnw]

Divorced from ExH for the past 3 years (separated 4). Having 5 year old DD. After maternity I returned to work full time however when we separated I reduced my working hours by half (flexi working) due to childcare costs.

Now DD is at full time education so the childcare costs reduced only to childminder fees. For the past 4 years I have been covering all childcare costs. My income has reduced significantly and a part-timer I have no scope of progression (even though finishing accounting courses). DD spends with F every second weekend (and midweek contact) and holidays are split 50/50, he pays maintenance of £100 per month (self employed).

ExH lives and has a child with his current partner. They live in a very posh area of London, go on multiple holidays (he is self employed so if he does not work, he does not earn), travel to US very often. His partner is a company executive, I assume earning circa 200k per annum, as she travels on business extensively he takes care of their child (they still employ full time nanny).

My earnings are £800 per month net, topped up with CB, HB, CTC so in total around 1.7k (rent is £1.150, childcare £150). It leaves me £500 (inc £100 maintenance) to pay bills, cover travel costs to get to work, cover extra-curricular activities for DD, not mentioning food.

Is there a chance that I can claim spousal maintenance (on a basis that I had to reduce hours of work, that I covered all nursery fees – around £45k in total). It was short marriage (separated after 1.5, divorced after 2.5 years). There were no assets.

It is just not fair that because he is self employed, he takes time off a lot he gets away with paying more maintenance for our DD even though he can afford (I assume that his partner covers all costs)

[Newbrummie]

I was told it will cost me £5000 to get spousal maintaince, which I don't have, if you've got the legal fees go after him.
It seems bloody unfair doesn't it

[mummyfromnw]

Hi Newbrummie

I am thinking of doing this without solicitor representation. Mediation first and than court application - I would be only asking for regular maintenance payments to help with living expenses or maybe topping up CSA child maintenance. It is unfair when a F does everything in his power to reduce maintenance payments (to the point when he 'gained' additional overnights and send over court order to CSA - to have it reduced by 1/3).
He can afford paying more - but well, he prefers to go to courts claiming that I do not agree for him to have more access to our DD as I am afraid that I will loose benefits and will not be able to support myself.

[AuntieStella]

I doubt it. Spousal maintenance these days is temporary, and really only to get you back on your feet.

As you are in work, it is unlikely that you would secure much, if any.

[mummyfromnw]

Hi Auntie

Thank you for your input. It is really frustrating that their combined monthly income is more than my gross annual salary.

With Financial Disclosure from ExH and his partner (as I have read that as they cohabit together both their incomes count) it will be obvious.

[bloodyteenagers]

I doubt it.
Her income is not important. It would be highly unfair for her to fund your lifestyle.

You divorced years ago, this should have been sorted then.

[mummyfromnw]

Hi

There is no clean break order and I assume I can still claim payments from ExH especially with small DC.

When we divorced they were not living together (he moved in last June).

Can I vary CSA maintenance amount?

Thank you for all your advise

[fellowship33]

How much do you think your ex earns? £100 a month is a tiny amount.

[mummyfromnw]

fellow - He advised CSA that he earns approx £900 per month (circa 12K annually)

[mummyfromnw]

But I think he might be earning around £2000 per month or even more (otherwise there would be no point in having full time live out nanny for 50h per week)

[bloodyteenagers]

It doesn't matter when he moved in with her. Her money has no relevance at all. It doesn't matter if she earns £20 or 2 million a year, she has no responsibility to you...you are also assuming as an exec she is on huge wage. She may not be, and she will be paying a huge amount in tax and ni.

It is only his earnings and to pay £100 a month his earnings won't be that much. Plus of course paying for bills he will now have and of course upkeep to his other child. Unless of course you think he should freeload.

[mummyfromnw]

I doubt he is contributing £100 to his other child.

As they live together now they combined income is taken into consideration.

I assume that he freeloads as they pay approx £3000 rent, nanny (I am not sure but probably more than £2000 per month) not mentioning holidays in US other long haul.

The partner is not UK national, is a company director so it might be possibility that she has offshore accounts.

Yes it my assumption that she is on at least 200k salary (as the business is very successful) - but even taking into consideration they assumed monthly spending,10k net per month is a very close figure

[minkGrundy]

Her income is irrelevent.
I think all you can do, is claim more csa because he earns more than he lets on.

[bloodyteenagers]

You are coming across as jealous of her lifestyle and very grabby.
Neither are good traits.

You need to back off to be honest and stop obsessing on how much she makes, how much the rent is, how much the nanny is... This has fuck all to do with you.

If my ex came back and said that he wanted spousal I would tell him to fuck himself and where to shove his ideas. Any suggestion of my household income and expenditure I would be seeking legal advice to get him to back off and stop stalking.

You have options - ask csa to reevaluate his income, not household but his alone.

Look at ways of increasing your income that doesn't involve trying fleece your exes new partner.

[ClashCityRocker]

I'm afraid it's a moot point what she earns - they will only go on your husband's income.

[GemmaTeller]

'I assume that he freeloads'
'...nanny (I am not sure but probably more than £2000 per month)'
'The partner is not UK national, is a company director so it might be possibility that she has offshore accounts. '
'Yes it my assumption that she is on at least 200k salary'

You are jealous of their lifestyle and guessing and assuming an awful lot.
If his new partners is a company director earning squillions whats that to do with you?

Maybe she is bankrolling where they live, maybe she is paying for the foreign holidays, doesn't mean she has to pay for yours.

[mummyfromnw]

bloody - thank you for your input. No, I am not obsessing - these are my assumptions.

I have pointed out that Exh cannot earn more as he looks after their child and takes long holidays - thus I think it is unfair that there is a gap between lifestyle my DD has and his DC with his partner.

I blame him for that of course, as knowing that I could afford to pay more maintenance he chooses to not disclose all his earnings / not work to look after his DC.

[Lucked]

Does he have shared care of your dd? How about asking them to cover some extras above csa payments like school uniform or extra curricular activities.

[mummyfromnw]

Gemma - it is not jealousy but unfairness - who knows if I stayed in my full time job and completed all my levels of accounting degrees I could have been earning around 100k now.

But I have resigned from my job, to look for 2/3 days after our DD, than I paid for her nursery fees (as exH did not contribute), even now when I suggested splitting costs of ballet outfit and classes he refuses to contribute.

[mummyfromnw]

Lucked I have asked re extra curricular activities but the answer was that DD is with me during that time and it is my decision to attend extra curricular activities.

The same with contribution to her saving account and him taking out life insurance (exH does state that if I want to do it that is fine, but he will not)

[mummyfromnw]

Lucked - yes shared residence split 70/30 (Me being the main resident parent)

[PurpleWithRed]

DD is HIS daughter, not hers. He pays you very little maintenance because he earns very little. He lives a lovely lifestyle because he has a rich partner. Galling, but nothing you can do about that.

I would imagine your only option for getting more money from him is child maintenance and that would be based on his income.

Your payments of £100 per month from him assume his annual salary is around £10,000 (15% of his monthly take-home pay). Does that sound right to you or do you think he actually earns more than that? If you think he does earn more than that then go for more maintenance.

[bloodyteenagers]

He is correct.
It is you that chooses extra curricular activities.
It is you that chooses to spend on life insurance.

Childcare, surely you are paying 30% and the rest is either from childcare vouchers or tax credits.
If he started paying then would you have these payments reduced?

How can he be taking time off to look after their dd if there is a full time nanny? Makes no sense.

Yes you have an unhealthy obsessions. You are conjuring up figures that you think is her income/ expense... That is obsessive.

[mummyfromnw]

Purple I do think that he earns around if not more £20k per year but it is difficult to vary CSA on a basis of lifestyle as he may always claim that his partner pays for everything (rent, holidays, cars etc).

As he is self employed he may well get cash-in-hand for his jobs. it is very difficult to vary

[mummyfromnw]

bloody Yes - I received CTC covering some of the costs but I would rather it was split between us parents rather than me being on benefits.

He does take time off when they travel on holiday, or he cannot work longer days as he needs to be home earlier to take over from nanny.

I am right at requesting from him life insurance. How will our DD be covered if let's say he dies tomorrow?

[Newbrummie]

In your shoes is give him full time care if the child and you gave her/him every other week, you are being royally shafted just because you have a womb frankly.
You aren't grabby or jealous, it's utterly unfair the way the dice roll in this situation and there's little you can do about it other than ensure your child enjoys the same treatment by making him bring her up too.