Family holiday - first one after separation

(10 Posts)
foooty442 Mon 08-Jun-15 10:41:49

Hi, a Dad here. We've been separated since September last year and almost divorced. I'm on very friendly terms with my ex and I see the kids (16 and 13) almost every day as I live just down the road, so as separations go, it's as good as it gets apart from the usual emotional/financial matters.

We're coming up to the Summer and I'm dreading not being with the kids on our annual holiday to Spain. We've been to the same apartment for 8 years running and the thought of not been with the kids when I know I've been there for every minute of their lives is bringing tears to my eyes. I can imagine them now at the same restaurants, beaches, swimming pool etc and I'll be at home. Getting a divorce is definitely the best option for us but I'm so upset about not been there on holiday with them. I know I can go away with them on my own, but it just doesn't feel right.

Does anyone else have experience of this and what effect it had on the kids. This is the first Summer so I know next year will get better but it's really upsetting me at the moment.

conway Tue 09-Jun-15 17:32:11

Yes I know how you feel. We have also been divorced since december when we had our decree Nissi.We are stilll living in the same house while finances our sorted.
My Ex is taking my 2 away to a place we have been before, it really breaks my heart.( 1 week)
But I am trying to think of positives and while they are away I am going away for a weekend with my mum and then working loads as I am self employed.
I have booked a mega holiday for me and the boys to Florida in October so that is keeping me going.
MAybe you can try and have somethings to look forward to even if it's just reading a book that you haven't timetoread

cannotseeanend Sat 13-Jun-15 17:46:00

Go to somewhere new?
We've not been on a break longer than 2 nights in 2 years, thanks to life savings being taken, though I can see my husband has been on plenty of holidays and guess what, to all our favourite places! More fool the stupid OW of Gatwick who has spent my kids' savings on these holidays.

The day I get to have enough money for a holiday, it will be somewhere we've never been. I spend far too much time dreaming about this, it stops me getting emotionally distressed with real life and that is what holidays are about aren't they?

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 13-Jun-15 18:03:01

You can't do anything about things now past. You can do someting about those future.

None of us can forget the past but focusing on those things you can control and the reasons you're divorcing and why you're all better off is the only real option.

Its never clear cut when you seperate there will obviously be more reasons to be appart than together but that doesn't mean there weren't some good bits.

A spain appartment sounds okay but when you first took the children they were 5 and 8ish. If you look with fresh eyes is it the sort if holiday you'd now chose if going for the first time with 13 and 16 year olds?

Holidaying with young adults could be great fun. They can stay up later, behave in restuarants, enjoy a bit of culture, get involved in more adult leisure activities with less supervision, amuse themselves some of the time. What about a city break? Something like London, Edinburgh, Dublin or Paris? Complete contrast to the leisure break they're having.

I'm Seperated for 8 years now, divorced 7.5 years and I'm just learning to enjoy the time better when my children are with my XH. So many wasted days. If you trust your X and know the children are safe and having a good time, try to carve out adult activities for yourself in your time apart. If nothing else it'll be positive for the DC to see you happy and hear of your trips to theatre/ cinema/ 5 a side football matches/ tennis club/ golf/ squash/ cricket so they are able to enjoy their time apart too, knowing you're okay.

Mumsnutter369 Tue 16-Jun-15 20:22:59

My XH took our DCs and his OW to the same place we had been on holiday for 20 years only 4 months after we separated and I was devastated. I asked him not too and told him it was too soon but he still went. I was more bothered that he took his OW in my place and about them playing "happy families." I was strangely comforted by the fact that it was somewhere we all knew so the kids would be happy and safe. I think it's unfair if not cruel for exes to return to special places they've been with you.

Mumsnutter369 Tue 16-Jun-15 20:28:37

The first of everything is the hardest after a separation or divorce. The first holiday, the first Christmas and birthdays. It does get easier. I'm a few years down the line now and I don't mind them going on holiday with XH. I enjoy my time off and really look forward to seeing them when they get back.

Starlightbright1 Tue 16-Jun-15 20:38:01

I seperated with my Ex before my DS was one.. so no Expereince but I do think a new place sounds like the best idea.. new memories. There is a whole world to see and they are old enough to enjoy something a bit different.

Not sure if you have boys or girls but what about an adventure type holiday?

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 17-Jun-15 08:50:46

New places definitely for me. DD and I now go to a music festival. Ex would never have done that.
The first year is the hardest as others have said.

GotABitTricky Sun 05-Jul-15 12:36:31

A city break for 13 & 16 year olds sounds good plan.

Jet2 go to Milan now, so check out budget airline options from your local airport for options.

JessicaLuis232 Sat 03-Sep-16 08:20:04

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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