Am I being unreasonable to expect that DH should be the one to move out?

[meg70]

We have 2 kids (DS 10 and DD 8) and have been talking about separating for 9 months - after years of unhappiness - but DH cannot accept it. He was going to move out when he thought it would "give me space" (to change my mind) - and even looked at a few places to rent - but now he has changed his mind and refuses to go. I am the primary carer, work 2.5 days per week and collect kids from school 4 days per week, we 3 spend far more time here than he does. I also earn 1/2 of what he does (ie 1/4 at the mo as i am part time) so IMO it makes sense for him to continue to be full time etc; as was always the arrangement. He thinks I should leave as I am "the person ending the relationship", and he has done all the DIY on the house. He is also worried about "losing" the kids, though I have tried to reassure him that it would just mean him seeing less of them, (as would I) - not losing them. He has given me 2 options: 1. we stay as we are, both living here (currently unbearable IMO) or 2. I get a flat (the only childcare idea he's given me at the moment is that he gets an au pair!). He says he will NEVER go. If I try and move out with the kids that will be v traumatic for them and TBH I think he'd try to stop me. Any advice please?
p.s. there is no one else involved.

[confusedNC]

sorry not much help. My stbxh ended it. Refused to leave house. I'm now in rented accommodation with ds. It's shit. Can't make him go. Just keep working on him, appeal to better nature hopefully . Mine was never gonna go so I had to.

[FTS123]

I'm the same as pp - mine refused to move out as I ended the relationship. I'm now in rented with the DCs with no hope of ever owning my own home again

[Sassyb0703]

If you want to end it Thema you are probably going to have to be the One to move...and it's going to be hard to do financially if you have already seperated money. It will also be into rented until any divorce is sorted. Your best bet is to start proceedings whilst cohabiting, less unsettling for dcs, if he sees you are serious there is more chance he will move out. Even if he doesn't you should be able to get a new property following financial settlement. It's all sounds very sad, have you really made your mind up that nothing can be done ? If so, then I wish you well and hope dcs come through it all with as little upset as possible.

[Sassyb0703]

Thema ? bloody phone randomly switched to German !!! Then you.....

[newnamenewnom]

This is old thread but I'm in same position. Solicitor's advice was you absolutely have to stay in family home and fight for it but I don't see how you can force someone out if they are on mortgage. A court could give you the right to stay and he might be forced to give you your share and if he can't release the equity they would force a sale I think.

However, these things are costly. I was told it would be about 10k to 20k to get back in the house. Would probably drag on for a year too. Do go and seek some legal advice though.

[B1967]

Hi. I'm in exactly the same situation.. asked for a separation in january and was still cohabiting last month.. he would not accept it.. I couldn't afford to move out because our debts are so high.. I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on my own so was looking for him to buy me out or for the house to be sold.. he pretty much refused to sell and was just dragging his heels on buying me out.. have had solicitor involved since July and still nothing was moving.. so I managed to get some money from my family and I moved into rented accomodation.. it will do for a while but not permanent which isn't ideal for my son as he'll have to move again at some point and I'm currently commuting loads of miles a day to keep him at his current school.. Solicitor could do nothing for me other than to go to court re a forced sale of the house which will cost me about 10K and take a good 6 months.. I've given him time over and over again to look into buying me out but now I am going to have to go down the forced house sale option afterall.. crazy.. its all turned bitter when it could have been a relatively amicable process..sorry I can't give any positive advice but might help to know there are others out here going through the same nightmare