The children and I came back from holiday Saturday night to find that h had bought a bed and wardrobe and built it in the playroom downstairs, he's claiming the downstairs bathroom as his and told the children not to go in there unless absolutely desperate and the other one is occupied.
Of course he let me in to do the washing fortunately.
He told me last night that I'd obviously had him thrown out of his house to get back at him and it had seriously backfired on him and that he'd moved back in as I couldn't look after our children properly. He's not going to pay any money for the bills and he works from home mostly!
I've contacted my solicitor but now have to wait patiently to speak to her and face the doom and gloom of going home to his dictatorial, aggressive nature. He's already balled twice at my son and my daughter is not happy that he's back. He's told her she can't sleep in my room and that it's wrong, she is 11 and is going to secondary school and they will think it strange. I told her there's nothing wrong if she needs the company and comfort of her mom there then she can stay it's up to her and her daddy can't stop her from doing so.
He is writing down everything and says the place is a mess and he's taken photos to show social services (I've made previous threads about my story to explain why the social services and police are involved).
I just need emotional support right now, I feel desolate like I've been punched and totally depressed. 
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Divorce/separation
stbexh has moved back into the house - I need support please
bella1968 · 01/09/2014 09:44
bella that sounds beyond stressful 
How long until you can speak to your solicitor?
fortunately I've just spoken to her, she thinks he's an sod! she's so lovely 
she's going to contact his solicitor to find out what the intentions are now he's back and we will need to get a mediation session set up immediately so she'll now hurry the divorce proceedings along and also address the finance side of things.
thanks for writing back to me.
I hope it doen't take long.
A good solicitor is a big help
Just for a bit of history, I removed him from the property on 12th June, he was allowed back on 26th (non-mol/occupation) in July he came back for 1 night but went again saying he feared for his liberty/safety and that I could call the police and have him arrested. (well yes of course I could!) anyway this worked to my advantage and so I've been with the children ever since. The social services have been round and she said there's no problem here. (Of course I've called her now to say he's back and another report will have to be made)
Yes I am documenting what has been said.
I don't know how long it will be to set up a mediation appointment, my solicitor has written to him today to find out his intentions and to set one up. I have found the details of a local one, already contacted her and she's sent me the paperwork that we both have to complete.
If I am downstairs I shall use the toilet, however I have moved my toiletries to the upstairs bathroom as I can't afford for him to stop me using the bathroom as I work full time in London and don't want to be late for work, he'll also use that against me if I do.
I shall use the washing machine and dryer which is in the downstairs bathroom whenever I feel like it!
Unfortunately I think he has a 4g stick from his work so he may not use our internet.
The place was a mess in June when he left since then I have spent countless hours tidying up the place. There was an awful lot of rubbish amongst paperwork that had been 'pushed under the carpet' so to speak and it fell to my responsibility over the years to sort it all out, I am near completion of this and there was a few bags in the garage which I took out and put in the lounge to sort through which I didn't manage to finish. The kitchen mess however is him, he has moved things from the playroom, including taking down 2 cupboards to fit his wardrobe in and this is all in the kitchen now this has made a complete mess.
My solicitor is covering the bills with his, food I don't know and I suspect he'll do his own laundry. As he has done this without my knowledge and agreement I haven't covered any of this and this is a totally new situation to me, had things been amicable then maybe this could all be discussed but as there is history of emotional, mental, verbal abuse to me and the children then it doesn't stand a chance.
I am most definitely not passive, however I don't want to explode and make the situation worse for me and the children and give him ammunition. I think he is trying to prove that I am mentally ill, possibly bi-polar!
I need a plan and I need to stick to it, once I know what not to say or what I should do I'll be ok, unfortunately I seem to get in a mess whenever he says something to me and I need to remember that that is not the man I married but someone else, an ogre!
any ideas for an action plan anyone?
thanks Claire I too work in London, full time fortunately, now also the children have started secondary school so we can sort out a routine around that.
Fortunately I'm not worried about his comments on bipolar, there's no way in the world that he can prove I'm mentally ill just because I'm on anti-depressants! which incidentally I'm on because of his behaviour which started in 2011 and I've been on them ever since unable to put up with him. In my head I'm treating him as not there, like an irritating fly that I can flick off my shoulder lol!
My solicitor advised to go ahead and book the mediator so I'm doing that this morning. The social worker called yesterday and we had a long chat, she is used to people like him. He finally called her back yesterday to book an appointment which was at 9.15 this morning, she will call me to report back on what he said! , she told me that she is expecting him to be lovely and nice and polite and said people like him are very clever in trying to get what he wants but she's used to it. I obviously can't tell her what to do but she's seems to be on my side if there is sides to be taken.
Mess wise, I was angry but I know that I've been the one that has cleared up years of crap mixed up with lots of papers amounting to 10 black bin bags over the last year, more so since I got rid of him in June. I'm proud of the work that I have done. Every time I have cleaned and cleared the lounge he went in and made a mess. I have paperwork (the remaining few bits) left to sort but because of the mess he created in the kitchen and having to do the children's school uniform I haven't had chance to attack it yet but will do so this evening and every evening until it is done to get it back on track. Besides having spoken to the social worker yesterday a bit of mess is not important as long as the children are treated well, fed and watered and loved, roof over their head and the bills paid that is all that matters.
He is just showing how controlling he can be, unfortunately of course, I don't know whether he's going to push for going to court and wait for a judges decision which will take months so I am considering moving me and the children elsewhere if this is going to happen.
So what happens with you? how do you manage emotionally? do you have the support around you, people to vent, talk to when you need to?
hello ladies, I received a call from child maintenance service yesterday, they had assessed my case and concluded an amount that stbxh should be paying starting 1 October with backpay from 29 July. The lady called him and advised him of this to which he "wilfully refused to pay", she also advised that the next step would be to stop the money from his salary to which he replied "good luck". The lady said that it was not a nice call and had to step away from the phone. Reading between the lines and what I asked her it sounded like he had been very aggressive and swore at her.
She expects him not to pay and advised me to call after 1 October once we know he's not paid.
My solicitor is going through the motions and advising his solicitor of my account number for him to pay though.
He came round last night unannounced to take the children to confession. They were doing their homework so he hung around helping them with that from 6.45-8.10. I ran upstairs and told my dd that I am not coming down until he has gone as I don't want to get into another argument or see him. When he asked when I was doing tea she told him what I'd said to which he replied Typical!
When he left the house he could be heard saying "go and get ready for bed, it's too late for tea now you'll have to do without, it's bedtime now"
Obviously we went out to get something to eat and the kids got to bed around 9pm. Late for them to be up at 6.30 or at least dd has to be up then ds a little later as his school is nearer.
My support worker is coming to the house tonight, there will be more fireworks if he comes to take them to confession again tonight when he sees that she is here!
thanks for listening. 
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It sounds like you're doing all the right things, but he's obviously so unpredictable it must be very wearing for you! Stick with it, hope you continue to get what you need from support workers etc. you will get there.
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