Feeling nervous about solicitor's appointment

[TickledOnion]

Got my first solicitor's appointment since ExH left in February to be with OW. I don't know what to expect but I feel sick thinking about it now. I know I'm going to cry and will probably embarrass myself. I feel bad that ExH doesn't know I'm going (which is ridiculous). It feels like I am drawing a line in the sand but I know he doesn't want to come back and I wouldn't have him back anyway.
Can anyone reassure me?

[Chasingsquirrels]

If you cry then so be it, I am sure the solicitor will be used to it (just try and bear it mind that they are there to advise you on the law and it's a better use of your money to spend any time with them concentrating on that - use your friends for the emotional stuff - sometimes easier said than done I know).

Have you got a list of things you want to talk to them about, questions about the process, details of assets and income as far as you are able, summaries or copies of information that may be helpful, ID documents in case they want to do paper money laundering checks.

The more you inform yourself about the process, the more you can concentrate on moving it forwards.

Hope it goes ok.

[TickledOnion]

Thanks Chasingsquirrels. I've just realised that I don't really know what I want to ask them about or what I need to take.

At the moment ExH is still paying the mortgage and various other bills. I want to know what I am entitled to and whether I can remove him from the mortgage. I don't think I earn enough to afford the house myself. Any ideas what I should take with me? And what else I should ask?

[Chasingsquirrels]

Have a look online, but just a basic overview of the proceedings as every case is different, but it's good to understand an outline of what is happening.

CAB summary or I thought directgov had something but I'm not immediately finding it atm.

A summary of your (joint and individual) income, assets and liabilities - house, savings, investments, mortgage, loans etc will be useful at some point, although if you haven't got something immediately to hand to take tomorrow then I wouldn't worry about it just at this point.

I guess also, having am idea about what YOU want out of the process. So far it is likely that everything has been forced on you by his decisions and the lack of control over your own life can be horrible.

Are you going on your own or taking someone with you?

[TickledOnion]

Thanks again. I've got some of that info available but not all of it. I'll dig out whatever I can find tonight.

You are right about lack of control. That's really what I want to get back especially with regards to the house.

I'm going on my own. I'll take notes as I'm rubbish at remembering stuff.

[Chasingsquirrels]

All the best.

My ex left in 2008 (wow, that's 6 years now). I'm not sure whether he was involved with his current DP at the time, but they were certainly friends, I didn't know about their relationship until his told me nearly a year later because he planned to introduce the kids to her.

We separated, he moved out. I saw a solicitor for a free half hour with the intention to instruct when it was all very raw (days rather than weeks or months). I also researched online and as I was the one who deal with our finances I was aware of what we had etc. In the end, after trying to persuade him to try again for a number of months, we agreed finances etc between us.

We only actually divorced 2013/14, at first I hadn't wanted to, then I just didn't deal with it - I'm not sure why he didn't push it. I did the divorce paperwork myself, the actual divorce is very easy - it's the finances, and maybe children, that can cause issues. We did 2 years agreement, although by the time I did it if I had waited another couple of months I could have done 5 years! I then saw a solicitor to get the consent order (finances) drafted on the basis we had already agreed and lodged that with the court myself as well.

If you can (both) put your differences to the side and agree things between you it is almost certainly going to be easier than litigation, but you also have to ensure it is fair (to you both).

I really feel for you, I was 36 with two young children and had been with H for 16 years. I really didn't see how I would cope, despite the fact that I had been coping while he was away a lot etc. It's the end of something you anticipated being forever and it's very hard.
BUT I'm actually happier now than I had been previously for a number of years. I personally wouldn't have chosen this course, but having had it forced up on me I have moved on, and done my best to ensure that my kids have coped with it as well as possible.

Be good to hear how you get on tomorrow.

[TickledOnion]

It went really well. She was lovely and understanding and I didn't cry. I wanted to know about the financial stuff and she explained what I was entitled to and that I could probably expect to be able to keep the house. I'm going to try and sort it all out with exH directly.

Thanks for your help Chasingsquirrels.

[Chasingsquirrels]

That's good, it does help when you start together bit of control over things. Hope you can sort things out amicably. All the very best.

[EarthWindFire]

Good luck OP. It is all about negotiation. As long as neither of you dig your heels in you will be fine