what are laws involving parental rights and accused alcoholism?

(19 Posts)
bumbleandbumble Sat 14-Jun-14 15:37:55

I may be facing a divorce soon. My husband is resentful and I am worried he will try to say I am an unfit mother because I have a drinking problem, in order to keep the children away from me.

The fact that I have had too much on a few occasions does not make me an alcoholic...his mother was an alcoholic and I always feel he yells at me, as if I was his mother, which I am not.

Anyway, in the event of divorce, if he creates a false story of me being an alcoholic, what will the court do. How do I prove him wrong?/prevent this?

WaffleWiffle Sat 14-Jun-14 15:40:38

The obvious answer would be to stop drinking completely for a significant period of time. Would this be feasible?

bumbleandbumble Sat 14-Jun-14 16:33:32

I suppose so. But I still think its unfair...I mean how do courts view accusations?

Wolfiefan Sat 14-Jun-14 16:37:04

What is a few occasions and how drunk?

I don't imagine any court would be interested in you sinking one too many shots on a hen weekend 10 years ago. I imagine they would be concerned if a parent periodically got completely shitfaced and put themselves/DC in danger.

Paq Sat 14-Jun-14 16:38:49

Alcoholics minimise their problems. Are you one of them? Even if it is 'unfair' surely access to your children is more important that booze.

AuntieStella Sat 14-Jun-14 16:39:26

The courts do not see the parents as having any 'rights'.

The children have the right to the best possible arrangements for their care.

The best way to refute an allegation of excessive drinking is to stop drinking (altogether, or to a unimpeachably low level). Then you can demonstrate his allegations are false. Yes it's a PITA to deal with over-egged or downright malicious accusations when sorting out custody/residency. But it's in your DC's interests to do t.

bumbleandbumble Sat 14-Jun-14 17:21:44

yes my children are the most important. no I am not an alcoholic minimising anything.

I don't get shitfaced and put anyone in danger.

I am taking about getting giggly with my girlfriends on the once a 4 month time I get the time/money for a night out...

bumbleandbumble Sat 14-Jun-14 17:22:37

But how do I prove that I have been not drinking? I mean if he says I was drunk at dinner and I say I didnt drink...how will the court know?

Wolfiefan Sat 14-Jun-14 17:49:34

Giggly with the girlfriends? Once every four months? He really doesn't have a leg to stand on!
Witnesses to your conduct? Receipts? Keep a diary of all divorce related stuff (include units drunk?)
I'm sorry if you thought I was suggesting you were "shitfaced" regularly. That was not my intention at all! It's just people have totally different perceptions of what causes an alcohol issue.
Can you consult CAB or solicitor for legal advice?

bumbleandbumble Sat 14-Jun-14 19:45:54

yes...I really think that he over reacts. Its a shame, but I do think his drunk and abusive mother really screwed him up.

yes, I will try CAB...

its sounds crazy but I am just terrified over the idea of divorce...I just think he will be horrible. Also...can he force me to stay in UK? I am not from here and have no family/friends or job, so if we did divorce I would want to take the kids abroad. Is that possible? or can he prevent that?

Paq Sat 14-Jun-14 20:36:58

I'm sorry re my previous post if he is just being crap about a few glasses once a month.

But yes, he can stop you leaving the UK with your children. It's not about your friend/family network, it's about theirs.

bumbleandbumble Sun 15-Jun-14 09:32:53

theirs who? he doesnt have any family here either?

Paq Sun 15-Jun-14 10:46:35

I meant the children's. What nationality are they?

HowardTJMoon Sun 15-Jun-14 11:24:40

It's unlikely he'd get very far in claiming that you have an alcohol problem without at least some form of evidence. Easiest thing for you to do is to stop drinking entirely and, if it does come to court several months down the line, offer to have a hair-sample test done. That will show you're not a heavy drinker and his accusations will fall apart.

As for moving outside the UK with the children then it would be a difficult case to make. You'd have to show that it would be in the childrens' best interests for that move to take place. Unless there are very good reasons it shouldn't happen, UK courts tend to want children to be able to maintain relationships with both of their parents which will be difficult to do if they're living in a different country to their father.

bumbleandbumble Sun 15-Jun-14 13:22:49

yes, but I have no where to go in London. We would be homeless and I have no job.

At least back in my country I could live with family till I found work. And they could help with childcare.

Why would you be homeless? Where do you live now?

As Howard has said moving out if the UK with the children would be a very difficult case for you to make and to be honest, can't see the courts granting you to do so with the information that you have given.

bumbleandbumble Mon 16-Jun-14 09:10:26

we live in his aunt's house. we cant afford the rent and she is trying to kick us out. I am not working.

I have no family in this country. No friends that could fit me and my two children. There is no way his aunt would let me stay in the house and not pay. She wants us out even now, while we are still together.

DoingItForMyself Mon 16-Jun-14 09:45:52

How would you feel if he wanted to take your children to another children? I appreciate that you need support, but you moved here and had children here, who presumably now have a life with school, friends and most importantly their dad.

If he is likely to try and discredit you he is obviously interested in taking care of his children for a significant chunk of time. Taking them abroad feels very much like punishing him (& them in the process) rather than trying to find a situation which works for your children, eg 50/50.

DoingItForMyself Mon 16-Jun-14 09:46:21

Another country, not children!

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