How do I tell the kids

[Shabbygit]

I really need some advice on the right way to tell my kids that we are separating.

It is not acrimonious, we have just grown apart and both want to be happy. He has a new place but has not moved out yet. I want it to be all set up and ready before we tell the kids so that they can stay whenever they like.

We plan to co parent and we can be flexible with each other.

How do we tell the kids, they are 6 and 4.

[Minime85]

hi there. from my experience and advice I received on here we told our dds ( 8 and 6) at the time a week before he left. as you have said he secured his new place first. we told them on a Saturday morning knowing he would leave the following Friday. we had a book called mum and dad glue which we read afterwards. we told them we both loved them very much and that would never change. love for children doesn't go away. we said we couldn't be togetger anymore as we were just arguing a lot. that we wanted to be friends. that they would live with me. that they could call their dad anytime and when they were ready they would stay there too.

we did it all together and be prepared from tears and questions.

we then had something to distract them with afterwards.

a few days later we all went to see his new house.

we keep clothes, toys and pics in both houses.

good luck. it will be the hardest thing u do.

[Shabbygit]

Thanks for advice

Even the idea of it upsets me. I just want it to be ok for them.

How are things now for your dds

[Minime85]

hi. yes it is really upsetting. but I found to just be honest with them and stop the fake pretence of a happy family a huge relief. it had been making me ill.

there were lots of questions and tears from dds for about two months really. especially from the youngest who is more outwardly emotional.

he left start of November and after Xmas things really settled. barely any tears now. they are more settled and secure I think. they may not see it but we see they are happier than before we separated.

it too a while before they wanted to stay at their dads and we really followed their lead. they now stay 2 nights in a row. we can't get a routine of days due to my ex's job which doesn't help.

we still have an open calling/face time situation. their dads phone numbers are clearly on display in the kitchen. photos of him now down around the house but still up in their rooms.

we are co parenting well I think and I keep him in the loop about school. he does homework etc and after school club runs etc.

I do hope it works out for you. it is so so hard and it breaks your heart to break their little worlds. but a new reality does settle after a time and we are all certainly happier.