ok now let me try and get this right.
He proposed to me pushing for a wedding wanting us to start a family and got us a dog to guard the house as he loves dogs . He is a very gentil, calm person, loves nature an piece, never says what he wants (i had to guess) and his very bound to his mother.
he has hurt me several times emotionally by being distant when I knew he had problems, but he said that is the way he is and I accepted it.
About me, I am 25, I have had a bad few years and am due to stress (work and family health) currently hot tempered (this is not me agressively attacking people but me getting loud fairly fast when somehting repeatedly is done that pisses me off).
he always said he loved how I interact with children and animals and said he will be there for me to get over the stress. Because I did not like yelling at him I decided to get help because I love him a lot and his character does not get along with ANY (even peaceful) conforntations.
In march I got very depressed but together we did lots together and I tried to cheer him up from the university stress. We drove together but sadly he ended up crashing into a tree after a deer jumped out. I got badly injured and he luckily got away with a headwound that was easily fixed, the car was totalled.
I was in hospital for two weeks and I told him he should tell his parents as they will worry when they see him with a scar (he never tells them things that would worry them, he never said he had a car because his mom would have yelled and he does not like it).
he did and as he needed them around I asked them to come for him. They did and everything went well until we got home.
There I saw that they locked my dogs into the garage without water and barely food for 2 days. before they were tied up in the kitchen. My mom had organised a nice kennel for them to be brought to but he listened to his parents instead who said animals belong in the garage and outside.
They were thrilled to see us but needed food and water. When i let them into the house to get them this i was yelled at for letting animals in a human home and they started arguing. The week they were there followed with them not following any house rules (ie take your shoes of on the carpet, lock the dorrs when you leave etc) and at some point i went into the kitchen and found dirty water in a drinking bottle. I asked what it is and his mother apparently angry for ages (she and i only got along until the engagement where she ran off sulking) told me I have no right to ask and she forbids the wedding as I am horrible to her making her close the doors when at her home she can do what she wants and more
I was upset and at that point only just started walkin again, I had always said thank you and how kind of you for every help and she took offence to the fact that i was not eating her meals (I was recovering from major abdominal surgery and was not hungry).
This all flew by we tried to sort things out I crawled after them asking to communicate as this is hurting my then partner. They decided instead to ignore me.
My partner said he did not udnerstand what was going on and he saw me try hard and always said you cannot do more it's ok I am here for you but I need to be there for my parents too, to which i agreed.
Now I always made sure he knew when wedding bills were paid to give him achance and say actually I changed my mind, with the situation with his parents i worried he might need more time but he kept saying no, no you are fine.
I paid it all.
On the day he left I noticed his parents still have not said whether they come or not and the deadline for hotel and vcaterer were long done and i was unable to add more people. I asked my partner if he could call them and somehow he revealed they kept answering my emails by talking to him but he kept it to himself as they were saying that he should leave me are not welcome anyway.
I got sad and upset that they were talking like this and he slowly revealed more and more about the things he had not told me. he told me he owes his parents because they pay for him and if he marries me he worries they stop paying.
This is where i then argued that as a 25 year old he should not worry he had lots of experience in work he is hard working and smart and my parents could also support him if needed and I could take up job number 4.
This is where i started feeling the pain from my still bruised ribs and starting having problems breathing. he stepped forward and i asked him to leave the room (angrily) and he kept coming closer, not knowing how much strength i had in my arm (i cannot lift at all so I was surprised too) i grabbed it and said i am in pain go. he stepped back then tried to punch me but stopped himself and went down stairs. I eventually followed him and asked if he wanted to end the relationship as I do not know what he wants and he kept revealing only tidbits. he was silent. Shall I call of the wedding then? SIlent. So hurt and crying i went upstairs taking the dogs out of stress zone. the next thing that happened is that i heard the door. After an hour I got worried started searching for him calling ringing everywhere i was about to call the police after my mom called and said his father told her from my partner that it is over.
He ran off to a friend he met a month ago where he is living and looking for a new home, he took 90% of his stuff leaving only clothes a printer and some tidbits behind. he also left his dog.
There he says to people that he was going to break up with me and was unhappy for a year and needs this to be done.
Now, the reason i write here is not for people to say aaw poor girl as I am not a poor girl I am also not a villain who attacks people either,.
i am looking for closure and perspective. I had to cancel everything pay full rent, loose all my life savings and take care of 2 dogs when i can barely walk. My mom is very sick and my grandmother is dying this is a lot to happen in a short time span and i need to get out of this.
If he had bruised me (and the car crash does not count) i would have told him off and said that he was out of bounds and would have asked him to stay in the second bedroom. The next morning I would have talked with him and broken off clean.
I am wondering why he would let me (absoultely head over heals in love) pay for a wedding dream about it invite people and prepare for life together when he already then knew he would not want it? We did not fight like this before we had disagreements but always solved them in peace. I did not get any note, textmessage anything only his father telling my mother to tell me to never contact him again and that he wanted to leave me anyway for a year.
This is what i do not get. he had so many times where he could have said i am not happy lets be friends/lets break up.