Now separated - 1 week in

(7 Posts)
ratflavouredjelly Tue 04-Feb-14 21:14:40

Have been very much a glass half full.
Tonight I'm frazzled. The kids aRe playing up (and of course - it's huge changes, not their fault).
I went back to a fucking demanding job today after a week off moving and packing.
I've been up and down stairs about 20 times. Still not eaten. Have an entire lecture to write.
Ended up crying in front of my DS 6 yo.
Feel like a total failure tonight

Minime85 Tue 04-Feb-14 21:58:57

gosh you've got a lot on your plate. it will get easier. I cried in front of my eldest DC too on Friday. it happens. they see things get to u too. but also u then pick up and carry on. I just told her mummy is sad today.

you'll get new routines underway soon and that will help. I find being full time exhausting but also good to keep busy too so I'm not constantly busy going over and over in my head how I got here.
thanks thanks

ratflavouredjelly Tue 04-Feb-14 22:09:17

Hooray someone else working full time. Sometimes I think it's only me. Wish I could reduce days but it's a necessity at the mo (with ex running up
Debt etc).
Mini: How do you manage the day to day stuff and stay chipper ? Thanks for the solidarity - I just feel terrible for being crap in front of my little ones.
On the bonus side I have no regrets about leaving ex. But want to protect the little ones and sometimes feel overwhelmed at having to wear the trousers (be alpha female) so often...

Minime85 Tue 04-Feb-14 22:55:23

I've been having a tough week or so but feeling brighter now, im not here because its what i wanted but im a bit of a get up and on with it kinda girl. only been since November but we've got new systems and routines. my house is the last of my worries so that gets left to be honest other than to clean its definitely not tidy smile. I have been keeping busy when dcs go to their dads by decorating or visiting friends. I have a lot of RL help from my parents so I'm very lucky re childcare and emotional support.

it will get easier especially as you see more and more its for the better as you say it is. dcs soon adapt although it won't ever be the same I'm lucky that stbexh and I are working together for them. although that is hard at times.

plan ahead nice things for you and dcs to do. then they are on calendar to look forward to. put new photos up of new memories since separation as well as leaving some of older ones up. I'm changing them gradually so dcs dont notice as much.

tell people at work. let them be sounding boards if and when you need to. smile

Minime85 Tue 04-Feb-14 22:58:08

to be honest, as shattered as I am I'm really glad I'm full time as it means we can still do things for treats and days out as money is not over flowing but not tighten your belt either. I feel good too about my job and that I'm well respected there and do a good job. its nice to feel I'm succeeding in that even if I've failed (as that's how it feels) in my relationship.

I have cried loads in front of my dcs since separating in November. Like you, OP, never over wanting STBX back or even vaguely missing him. But out of sheer exhaustion, or frustration, or anger at STBX just opting out of family responsibilities without a backward glance.

My dcs stepped up every time, gave me kisses & hugs (which usually made me cry more!). I don't think it's a bad thing. They need to know you are human and you have bad times & good times, like them. i never worried about it. If I was crying, I was crying. I was never ashamed and my dcs never seemed worried about me, just gave me kindness like I give them when they cry.

humptydidit Tue 11-Feb-14 07:31:42

morning. just to say that I left my exh 3 years ago and it does get easier. I wasnt working in the beginning and it was rwally tough. I had far too much time to stew on things.

I actually only went back to work a few months ago and it has given me a huge boost.

my house is untidy. kids are my priority not running a show home!

but those feelings of being fed up being alpha female and wishing somebody else would step up and back you up are still there on a bad day. but I promise it gets a little easier every day and I would not go back to my exh for anything.

stay strong. you will get there xx

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