2yr old in a shared house

[DebbieTheUnreasonable]

Hi my ex says that he's moving into a shared house with friends. He expects our DS to stay there on the 2 nights a week he has him. (DS is 2) I feel very uncomfortable about this.

I don't know these people, and as far as I am aware DS doesn't know one of them either and has only met the other one a couple of times. From the little information my ex will share with me, the two housemates work with vulnerable people in a care home and so I would think that they have passed CRB checks. However I am not comfortable with DS staying in a house with people I don't know and anyone else they might decide to have stay over (they are both single and young so the likelihood that they might bring home strangers is probably quite high).

I have only found out about this today, with my ex planning to move in the next couple of weeks. I feel like ex is making this decision for his own benefit and not putting DS' needs first. I'm really pissed off that he's made this decision without even consulting me, and has point blank refused to consider my point of view.

I don't think i have any rights to stop him moving in with them, and I wouldn't want to stop DS from seeing his dad, but at the same time my primary concern is to ensure DS is safe and secure. Has anyone got any advice for me?

[starlight1234]

I am afraid this is the hard part of been sperated..Unless you DS is in danger you can't control what Ex does in his time with DS...

it may well be more to do with the cost of living than anything else...

I guess rolls reversed if you wanted to move you would not consult him either..

What exactly is it you are worried will happen? Do you trust your Ex's jusdgement?

[DebbieTheUnreasonable]

I did, until he decided to do this. I think it's a completely inappropriate living situation for DS and ex is more bothered about living in a party house than creating a safe and stable home environment for his child.

My main concerns are:

1. DS will be potentially exposed to strangers who could harm him in some way.
2. that the house won't be safe as the housemates don't have kids and might not understand not to leave scissors, lighters etc lying around,

3.that DS may form attachments to these people and then barely see them again once ex moves again (he has said he plans to live with them for about 18m). I'm worried that this could be potentially distressing for DS.

[mumtobealloveragain]

There isn't anything you can "do" apart from talk to your ex about it.

I don't see the problem personally. If he's already having DS 2 nights a week then he's a capable and responsible parent. He therefore would have risked assessed his move and decided it is safe for DS, the same as you make those assessments during the time your DS is with you.

In my experience, people wanting a "party" house do t choose to share with so done who has kids. There's no shortage if young single people wanting to house share, they wouldn't have picked your Ex to share with without considering the affect it will have on them.

[daisystone]

No, I would be very unhappy about this too. I would not want my 2 year old in a shared house with all and sundry coming and going. It does not sound secure. Has he explained why he has chosen to do this? Is the house quiet? Clean? Is there adequate security? How well does your ex know these people. Sounds less than ideal to me. I would not put my DD in that situation.

[bbombshell]

My ex stayed in house shares after we split, in the last house share the 2 DS (6 & 4) were sleeping on the sofa & a sleeping bag in a shared sitting room accessed by other tenants. Safe to say ex is no longer allowed the children if he chooses to stay in shared properties.