Separation happening now

(8 Posts)
couttleberry Tue 31-Dec-13 13:12:32

28 years together, 20 years married, 5 children. DH goes to works christmas do and doesn't come back until the next day. Admits to having spent a night in a motel with someone. Long talks, he doesn't know what he wants, family are his world, loves me but not in the same way anymore... Agree we both need to make more effort. 2 weeks later the effort making has all been a bit one-sided, and periods of extreme tension, I say we need to talk again. He has continued to constantly message the woman he slept with. She is 20 years younger. He says he needs her as a friend as he doesn't have any others. We agree to separation. Have told 5 broken hearted youngsters. He won't tell his family. I have no family to tell. Cannot afford for us to live apart. So life continues much as before but we are now labelled separated. Feel as though my brain is about to explode. He's off seeing his new best friend now.

Minime85 Tue 31-Dec-13 13:25:44

gosh I'm so sorry. things will be ok. a serious conversation needs to happen in a few days to sort out finances. he needs to find somewhere else to go. hope your children will be ok. book mum and dad glue is good and I dont want to talk about it for primary aged children. you will probably get more replies in relationships but I dont know how to move posts.

I'm nearly 8 weeks in to him actually being gone and 12 since decision made. you will be ok. there will be dark days but you and kids will be ok

couttleberry Tue 31-Dec-13 13:32:45

thanks. There is literally no way we can afford for one of us to move out. We have had serious discussion about it. Kids are aged 12 - 19. 19 y/o is aware of OW, but not the others.

Handywoman Tue 31-Dec-13 13:45:27

couttleberry I'm so sorry to read your OP. Have you taken any advice about what you would be entitled to regarding tax credits etc? Do you work? If you are separated you can make an individual application ASAP and may be surprised at the award. Please take legal advice. Can he move to his mothers or somewhere similar in the interim? Because clearly things can not stay as they are.

couttleberry Tue 31-Dec-13 13:52:25

hi, we live 400 miles from nearest family. We struggle to make ends meet as it is, never mind in separate households. We both work.

Mary1972 Tue 31-Dec-13 14:51:00

Lots of people stay in the same house but live apart (although it makes it harder to convince the tax credits people I suppose). It can be operated like that for years.

Get yourself a 20 years younger male lover. Have some fun. Make him squirm.

LilyJoAndMe Tue 31-Dec-13 20:49:36

I'm really sorry to hear that this is such a difficult problem at this particular time of year.
I'm also finding my husband very very difficult. I don't believe he has found another woman yet. But I do find him very difficult. At the moment I want to divorce him . I don't know if this is a passing situation and if I'll be able to progress through our difficulties with him or not. I also have two children and the financial side to a divorce definately is a factor which I need to take into account .

mugglelady Wed 01-Jan-14 20:52:01

I would also recommend looking into tax credits entitlement, as someone else mentioned you may be pleasantly surprised and open up your options re future decisions

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