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Is a Mesher Order a good idea?(7 Posts)
I don/t want to move the DCs out of the family home so am looking for advice about Mesher orders.
Most of the stuff I have read about them seems to be pretty negative though.
Are they really such a bad idea?
Bumping as I am interested in this too.
If you are the lower earner and cannot afford to buy your ex out then it may be the best way to keep the children housed until the youngest is 18 or you cohabit or remarry. If instead you can ensure a clean break, everything finished now etc (I bought my ex out of the house) that is psychologically better for most people.
Not really sure why it could be damaging to anyone involved TBH.
yhe DCs get to stay in their home where they've probably lived all their lives, with all their stuff, friends and school unchanged.
The EXH has to find somewhere else to live admittedly, but knowing my ex a 2 up 2 down would suit as he will only have the DCs one night a week and as long as he's got room for his huge flat screen TV he'll be happy.
What exactly happens when the DCs reach 18? Is the house sold and proceeds split 50/50?
Personally I don't think they're a good idea for various reasons.
Yes you get to stay in your family home for a number of years until your youngest reaches a certain age.
If you have a joint mortgage together you are less likely to be able to buy out your husbands interest at a later date as the enquity amount will increase over time.
You are less likely to be able to gain a mortgage if, when your child reaches 18, a mortgage would take you beyond the standard retirement date.
Personally I'd hate to be tied to my ex husband for the next X no. of years. We went for a clean break, so that each of us were financially stable to restart our lives again. It doesn't seem fair to the children if they don't want to go and stay with their dad because all he can afford is a 1 bed flat.
We re-deemed the joint mortgage, he gave me the entire equity (out of guilt) and I re-mortgaged for the remaininig amount. I did this whilst I was still young-ish (33), in full time work and able to get a mortgage.
I hope I don't sound harsh but one of the biggest goals from the divorce was freedom - financially.
'what happens when the children reach 18?'
The financial consent order will stipulate conditions that could trigger sale or you buying your ex out of his share....this will be worked out as part of the divorce settlement. 50:50 is not always the case, you may be awarded more or less depending on both your circumstances and need. Often it will say when youngest is 18, or if you cohabit or remarry etc - these could trigger your ex being due his retained share.
My DSis was awarded a 70:30 split in her favour. However, move forward 12 years and she is now looking to buy her ex out of his share and they are arguing over the valuations, what cash he shold get, how much capital improvements she has made etc etc. Just be warned, its a % of its market value at the time of selling, not at the time of divorce.
Personally, i agree with Julia but this is not always possible.
I did the same as Julia whereas my friend, who was, until a couple of years ago, a SAHM, did the what milly's sis did but with a 60:40 split and is in the same position. Her house has more than doubled in value and she's spent a lot keeping it nice, new bathroom and kitchen but unfortuntely she's not in a position to buy him out and because of her age (51) the maximum mortgage she can get will be over a 14 years which means she can't afford to stay in the same area.
It was a struggle but I was lucky I could borrow enough to buy him out and not cause any more upheaval for DCs. However, I was prepared to move to a smaller house nearby just to be free of him but even these are now out of my friend's price range.
BTW my friend's ex has remarried and is planning to retire with his share of the former marital home whereas she'll have to work until she's 65.
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