Money stuff

(2 Posts)
Fidelia Thu 12-Dec-13 10:25:50

So we're separated.

Some background:

He's a full time higher tax earner. I'm a SAHM on income support. I gave up my career to look after the children. I've since discovered that he was sending inappropriate flirty emails to someone just at the point where I gave up my job. Fast forward some years and I discover that he had a full on physical affair with a different someone. We worked on it for a few months, then he walked out. He is paying child maintenance and paying for the mortgage at present so that the children and I can continue to live there, but I'm unsure how long he will continue to do that. He's currently living with his parents but is starting to flat hunt. He's still in contact with the OW.

He also drove up huge credit card debts (in his name - I was completely unaware, he financed them using other credit cards, I believe) and prevented me from accessing our joint account directly (simply by offering to get out money and by keeping my online details and not letting me have them).

We've been married 14 years so far. 15 years this summer.

So now to my questions about finances etc:

1. Am I likely to get some kind of spousal maintenance? Is it worth waiting until we hit the 15 year mark?

2. Will his financial mismanagement be taken into account? He has admitted in writing that I was unaware of the debt, which is not in my name.

3. If I had known about the flirty emails I would not have given up my job. I am now finding it very hard to get back into that career path and would have to retrain to do anything else. He also promised to pay into a private pension for me, but stopped it after a year or two. Would that be taken into consideration?

4. We remortgaged (higher amount over a longer term) whilst he was flirting with the second woman, but possibly before it was physical. I would not have remortgaged with him if I'd known. Would this be taken into consideration?

5. Can I ask for him to contribute to childcare costs, over and above the CS, if I do manage to find a job /retrain etc?

Anything else it would be helpful to know?

Thanks x

millymolls Thu 12-Dec-13 13:27:00

I would also post in legal as comments here will be based on supposition rather than legal fact. THis is the basis of my post below.

i) its possible - how old are the children? I think SM is becoming a lot less common, but may be awarded on a temporary basis for you to sort out your own working position - most people i know who divorced were expected to work to support themselves (even with young children) Saying that SM still does get awarded in some cases. How old are you? (eg if in early - mid 30s i think this will be less likely than if 50 as example as you have less earning capacity left)
ii) I dont think so - one party wont be left with all the debts while the other has all the assets - so i believe the debt will be pooled with the rest of marital pot - could be wrong
iii) It will be taken into consideration that you gave up work to raise children and as a result have reduced income potential and pension capability (the reason why ie the flirty messaging bit) wont be taken into consideration) Most likely you will receive higher % of assets to offset this if possible
iv) No.
v) You can ask - might not get. Maintenance could be set for you as part of the divorce settlement at an amount higher than basic CSA

I would suggest you seek legal advice asap. Each case in individual. THe priority will be the housing and welfare of the children - ie where and who will they live with, what are the parenting arrangements etc.
THere are a number of possibilities re the finances which no one can judge on here. However, it is reasonable and will be expected that your ex can also house himself and look after himself

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