Separation looming, finances? Hope do you cope?

[AdiVic]

Hello - things have been coming to a head for a long while now, and the inevitable is approaching fast. I want to be prepared, and have no idea how financially I will cope. I used to have a a good job in medical sales travelling all over the place, so I can't really go back into that. Have a 1yo and 3yo. My husband has told me if we separate he will leave his job so he won't have to pay me anything (he has handed in his notice and leaves in december) we are 20k in debt, and have no way of paying it back apart from selling the house which we would do i suppose. At the mo I don't qualify for any benefits as he earns over a certain amount. I have nothing, and will get nothing how would I put a deposit on a rental property? Would I get financial help as a single mum? I feel so sad for my children:( I know my OH will make things hard for me, and be an utter shit. Like other posts on mn, i feel such a failure and am so scared about the future. He seems to be quite looking forward to pissing off and finding a younger girl to start afresh with (he's 45, i'm 39). Should never have married him:(

[biryani]

If you haven't seen a solicitor, do so. Some do fixed fee interviews.

[Minime85]

gosh I'm sorry for your situation. only advice I can offer, for what it's worth, is what I am doing. my OH leaves on Friday! I've had house valued even though I shouldn't need to move yet and I've been enquiring with solicitors re finances. it sounds like u might need mediation with a solicitor. CAB website offers good advice. good luck

[DottyboutDots]

Fucker. I'm beginning to think that marrying well means marry someone who would divorce nicely.

Remember that 'this too shall pass'. You need a short term, medium term and long term plan. Short term is housing etc and long term being a billionaire with a yacht.

You will find your rhythm and the worst of all this is the beginning, it will get better

[saragossa2010]

Poor you.

See a solicitor.
Don't move out.
Check what tax credits and help with mortgage interest you might get as a single parent with no earnings.
Look at what forms of full time work you could do which might help with money.

[tantrumtime]

I am too in this situation but I am moving out into a rented house at the end of the month. I saved the deposit over about 6 months in my 'running away fund' and will use a combination of credit card, overdraft and money from parents to pay for everything else.
My babies are 2.4 and 9 months, I also feel bad but am trying to think that if I'm happier and not walking on eggshells they will be happier too.
The thought of getting home from work to my own house with my own mess just as I left it is just so exciting!!

I have enquired and will be eligible for tax credits, working tax credits and a 25% reduction on my council tax so that with my wages should meet the bills and im happy to eat beans on toast to make it happen.

Perhaps just get some plans together, see a solicitor (I haven't as im not married) and ring tax credits to get some advice? I spoke to my local sure start centre and have got a family support worker coming round soon to talk me through benefits, childcare options etc so at least I will be fully informed - could you do that?

My p has recently been made redundant, he said if I ever left him in this situation (he doesn't know I've rented a house and am planning to move yet) he wouldn't get a job so as not to pay me maintenance. I'm not factoring in any contributions from him!!!

Good luck, I read a quote the other day 'you don't drown by falling in a river but by staying submerged in it' gave me food for thought.

[yummumto3girls]

Tantrumtime - your one brave lady! Good on you for making it happen and being so positive, I wish you loads of luck.