(2 Posts)
Fidelia Sat 05-Oct-13 11:41:46

I am a SAHM currently on Income Support because my husband had an affair, pretended to reconcile but left some months ago. I want him to have a good relationship with the children and he sees them for 2 nights and 1 whole day each week.

Next year I'll need to start looking for work. However there is a big complication. The nature of my previous job means that my being separated or divorced is a huge issue. My previous job also has very long hours and even part time is 30-40 hours a week. I do not want to go full time because I want to actually see my children and they have residency with me.

I've also had it spelt out to me that there will be no part time jobs at all anywhere locally. In fact, that my personal marital status means I'll probably only get a job somewhere that doesn't have many applicants, and that would probably be somewhere hundreds of miles away and probably in a much rougher place to live. I also need to let you know that this 'job' is a calling, which my husband is very well aware of. He's also aware that it will be very hard for me to find a job.

I hate that I've been put in this position, but chances are quite high that I will have to apply for jobs that are hundreds of miles away from where we all live now. I wish that my husband would also relocate, but I'm not hopeful, he likes where he lives and especially the circle of friends that he has in the city where he works (which includes the FWB other woman). His idea has been that I just get some low paid part time job and live on benefits until our young children have grown. However, I am awell qualified and capable woman and I don't want that kind of job, when I could be following my vocation and be living a much more fulfilled life. In fact I'd apply for jobs right now if I could afford the childcare. I DO NOT like living on benefits.

So how do I broach that I and our children are probably going to have to relocate a long distance away to my husband? And can he prevent it? I don't want it to come to that, but the job is such that you are expected to be in a position to accept the job at interview and I don't want to find myself in a mess where I've accepted but can't do it. That would possibly destroy my professional reputation completely.

Aah, I hate so much of what he's done and that this is just another thing I'm having to deal with because of his awful choices!

halfwaytosomewhere Sat 05-Oct-13 23:53:16

I relocated after I separated, my ex wasn't happy about it but I decided that it made sense for me to move nearer to family( + their support). We had moved with exH's work, and i just didn't want to live in the area anymore, he had always been rubbish at helping out and i (rightly) suspected he might move abroad at some point.
He can't prevent you moving but it will make contact more difficult/expensive. All you can really say to him is that you plan to start looking for work which may involve relocating and that you're sure you can arrange contact amicably. You need to do what is right for you and the kids, would he discuss any relocation with you or announce it when it was organised.
It has been really positive move for my kids but they have missed old friends & their dad, he has made it really difficult & stressfull(for all of us ) & they are lucky if they get a phone call a week now, very limited face to face contact and he doesn't "parent" at all - his choice.

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