Unusual circumstances advice needed please!

(3 Posts)
welly75 Mon 12-Aug-13 16:04:37

I am trying to divorce my H and need some good advice cos my situation is a little unusual. So please read on and give me any advice you can!

Been married to my husband for 4 years and we have 2 children together aged 2 and 5. Suffered low level domestic violence, but also deceit about financial situations, lying about debt, accumulating large debts in my name and selling wedding and engagement rings without my knowledge or consent. The problem is for the past 2 years i have been working in the middle east and the family came too. For the first year he stayed at home looking after our kids while i was the only breadwinner. During this time i continued paying for our car in England every month which was bought on finance. I took out an 'emergency' credit card to use in emergencies and earlier this year he withdrew thousands of pounds on it. Of course it is all in my name. He has also left me with large bar bills to pay after telling his friends all the drinks were on him and not paying it! He recently admitted to me that he has not paid tax on his self-employed business for two years before we moved abroad as we were in a financial bind and he didn't want to worry me. There are lots of other things too which I have not mentioned.
Last summer, after spending a year together over there, he came home and got casual work while i stayed in the middle east with the kids. I gave him an ultimatum to sort out his finances and anger problems or else it was all over. But he lied and did nothing apart from a few casual weeks of cognitive behaviour therapy. When he came back in October 2012 i tried to see the best in him, but could see no good, so after Christmas he left for good.
Luckily we have no property together, but i am staying out in the middle east for another school year to save some money. Out there my salary is good and i am in a good position to do so.
I want to divorce him as quickly as possible, partly so he has no claim over any money i will have saved by my permanent return to england next summer. He suggested i stayed out there which i thought was strange until i realised that legally he needs pay no maintenance for kids while i am there. He is a great father though to our children and appears to be the most charming lovely guy to most people. He has agreed that i will have full custody of kids and he will visit when he can. Then when we return home next summer, we will do alternate weekends and in the week too. I am perfectly happy with this.
So any advice about this would be very welcome, I have not got much money for solicitors fees, and want to get some of this money back. How can I get him to help me clear debts? I am unable to talk to him about money without him losing his temper and being horrible, he is in denial of most of his actions. I do want the divorce to be as uncostly and amicable as possible. I need to move fast because i want to get the divorce process started before i return to middle east at the end of the month.

Thanks for reading this x

Welly I am sorry I have no advice but wonder if citizens advice in the UK can help.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

0ntheUp Thu 15-Aug-13 22:08:24

Sorry to hear this. Might be worth cross posting on relationships.

I'd really recommend good legal advice. I've just paid for an hour and a half with an excellent family lawyer which cost £200, sorted out several questions I knew I had and righted me on three things which were key, which I'd read about and where the law has changed. Arranged it by email and went for the appointment on my second day back in UK from abroad and was clear I was using them for advice and to read through what I would draft, not for more expensive handholding.

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