Facing separation: stressed, scared, under emotional attacks and need advice

(5 Posts)
Karen2222 Sun 04-Aug-13 08:28:39

H and have had a relationship that has deteriorated over the last 5 years and this year we have hit a wall where we realise it's not going to work. We have 2 kids aged 5 and 7.
We both work, but I'm the main breadwinner with H working part time during the day. He drops off the kids before work and picks them up after work. He also looks after them during holidays.

We are living in the same house (rental) at the moment because we live in London and can't afford to rent 2 houses. We need to move apart, and H wants us to both downsize and live in "two holes" if necessary. He says I can pay for this. He is in a deep depression about the separation and I'm not sure if he's totally stable right now. What I would like to do is to renew our lease on our rental house now for at least 6 months and wait till H gets better, gets a full time job and we can get a childminder or au pair to help with the kids. However, he is emotional all the time, it's affecting the kids, he can be emotionally abusive towards me and we need to move apart because it's not helping anyone.

My questions are:
-Can he MAKE me terminate the lease and rent two places?
-he MAKE me pay for a portion of his place (that's what he is saying I have to do because I earn more)? And if I have to do that, how long do I have to do it for?
-Is there any chance that I could be made to leave the kids/house because he's done the kid's school routines etc on a day-to-day basis?

Also, he is in complete denial about the emotional abuse that he's hurling my way. I've tried to just ignore it but it's affecting my health and ability to function properly. We tried counseling, and H is getting help for his depression, but he constantly takes out his sadness and anger on me. The kids have been commenting on it and H doesn't hide his depression from them in any way so they now refer to daddy as 'sad' or 'shouty'. But when I address this with him he just gets angry and denies it. I really don't have a clue what to do.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions. I will be going to a solicitor, but thought that there must be people out there who have been through some of this who might be able to help me.

K.x

cjel Sun 04-Aug-13 18:10:25

I fit were me I'm afraid I would move . Start your new life with your boys and its up to him what he does. I think he can't make you do anything but why make things harder than they have to be? get a solicitor on Monday and start moving to end your boys living with this depressed man. He will either go further down or rally up, Its not up to you to be responsible for his mood, Think of your dcs.

slipperySlip000 Sun 04-Aug-13 18:23:18

Agree with this ^ just get out with your boys, pull in all favours for childcare and then your h can sink or swim emotionally and get a job, or not, accordingly have time and space to heal.

cjel Mon 05-Aug-13 21:30:34

how you doing Karen? been thinking about you today.

Karen2222 Fri 16-Aug-13 15:41:09

Thanks for the replies. I haven't made any progress here, except that we have managed to spend a good amount of time apart over the summer. Husband agrees that we can't afford two places till he gets a job, but he says that he is not interested in moving away- say to his parents or in with friends because that would mean moving away from the boys. So we need him to get a job, but he says he is too sick (depression) to get a job yet. I don't want to move without knowing what we can actually afford so we seem to be stuck. At least he has calmed down a bit but it's not healthy for anyone.

We also need to tell the kids in simple but clear language what's going on because they know, and keep asking questions/dropping comments. If anyone has any good ideas for how to break this..........thanks for the support.
x

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