Have had to tell my DC tonight that their dad has told me today he is leaving me for another woman.

(14 Posts)
NannyPlumIsMyMum Thu 18-Jul-13 22:32:53

I have had to tell my children tonight that their dad is leaving me for another woman.

I am devastated.
We have been married since 2004 and had our DC by IVF.

My DD 7yrs and DS 5years are devastated .

I lost my job last week.

I'm terrified of losing our beloved house.

He has 2 children from a previous marriage - he left their mother and had a fling with this woman.

Then he met me.
After the birth of DD I developed post natal depression - he has told me that when she was nine months and we were going through a bad patch (because of my PND and lack of support from him) he had gone back to her when he had told me he was staying in a hotel to get some space to think things through.

Obviously I now realise that he put me at risk of STDs.

I have not been an angel through this - I have said some upsetting things to him when I have been angry with
him for being emotionally detached and distant which made him feel unloved and uncared for but at the same
time I have always loved and
cared for him and tried the best for our family.

I went through IVF to have children with him ( I am fertile - he had a vasectomy with first wife ). I had pre eclampsia, miscarried a twin early in pregnancy , and have done my utmost best in my role as stepmother ( it got me no-where with either of his 2 first children or him.)

I am registered disabled with fibromyalgia and am terrified of being a single mother.

My DC found a text message from her in his phone this morning - she complained of having a sore bum obviously because they had rampant sex yesterday .

How will I manage financially?

What things do I need to do to protect myself ?

I feel like a total failure as a mother and a wife and I'm obviously not worth anything.

NannyPlumIsMyMum Thu 18-Jul-13 22:40:00

Is anybody there sad

volvocowgirl Thu 18-Jul-13 22:44:33

I don't really know what to say, but didn't just want to read and run.

You can do it for yourself and your kids. There will be loads of experienced people on here who can give you some practical and emotional support. But until then I'll leave you with a big hug and best wishes for you x

GeordieCherry Thu 18-Jul-13 22:45:52

We're here.

I've got no experience to offer but I'm very sorry you are going through this

He's a shit

How come you had to tell them?

When can you get tested? thanks

NannyPlumIsMyMum Thu 18-Jul-13 22:53:24

There is a GU clinic down at our local hospital I can go down next week.

We told them together after school.

I told him to drive us all to a neutral place where the kids have never been and never will do...

I wanted them to know that it wasn't my choice , that daddy is leaving because he loves another woman - not because of anything they have done. I wanted them to know that i wanted to keep our family together but that its daddy's choice to go.

NannyPlumIsMyMum Thu 18-Jul-13 22:54:05

Ps thank you ladies x

ljny Thu 18-Jul-13 23:14:58

I'm so sorry. Do you have friends or family nearby? Any real-life support?

GeordieCherry Thu 18-Jul-13 23:15:42

Ah ok. I was worried he'd let you have that conversation with the DCs by yourself

Make sure you get tested ASAP & start to think about sorting provision for you & DCs

I don't know the best way to do that or your financial/ house arrangements but see a solicitor soon as you can. Think you can get 30 mins got free

OrangeLily Thu 18-Jul-13 23:17:23

Oh god I've been that child and its one of my earliest memories. I was around the same age as your DCs too. Stay strong for them, in years to come that is what they'll remember. I wish you so much more happiness from here.

Ps. What a fucking dick he is!

NannyPlumIsMyMum Thu 18-Jul-13 23:58:06

No rl friends or family near me I'm quite isolated reallyhmm.

I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 19-Jul-13 00:17:19

NannyPlum

I know this is easier said than done but can you take your dc to relatives / friends for support.
It will be helpful at least to have others to look after kids whilst you sort things out.
You have 6 weeks of holiday to spend being really close to your dc, which is what you will all need and remember.
Your dh has been a shit and you are nowhere to blame here.
He didn't support you when you had pnd, he lied and cheated, don't for one minute think you are a bad wife.
My friend is a sp and has the same condition as you, sometimes she has good days, sometimes bad.
She was open about her condition to parents at school and there are many in line to help her dc get to school and back if she is struggling.
You can do this and you will, but you must give yourself permission to be upset. Kids can cope with a lot if parents are open with them.

WordsFailMe Fri 19-Jul-13 00:49:23

NannyPlum

I am so sorry this must be a huge shock. This happened to me in January and my DC's are similar in age to yours. Please don't blame yourself, this is NOT your fault. I think you might find the relationships board very helpful in terms of others with similar stories and some practical links ref financials etc. You need to tell someone in RL too so you can have support.

You will find the strength to get you and them through this I promise. It may just be you need to take things hour by hour, day by day at first. Use the energy you do have to do what needs to be done day to day and get legal advice and speak to CAB asap. You can waste huge amounts of time trying to work out why. He simply didn't deserve you and his family and you deserve better than to be treated this way.

For the record 7 months on we are doing OK, the kids seem fine and have been much more resilient than I thought. It's half killed me but I have not said a bad word about him to them and think that has helped.

Hope you get some rest

NatashaBee Fri 19-Jul-13 01:17:31

No advice, but you have my sympathy. What an arse he is. I think you did the right thing telling the kids in a neutral place... It would be awful for them to remember that conversation happening in their home .

itwillgetbettersoon Sat 20-Jul-13 09:36:20

Hello Nanny, my two are 8 and 10 and we went thoroughly the leaving for ow last year. It is hard but it is ok. The children are 100% fine - not sure about mummy but I'm getting there!!!

The relationship board has more traffic so you might want to get this moved there. Please pm if you want to talk. X

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