DIY divorce and problems

(10 Posts)
Cabrinha Sun 08-Sep-13 20:42:50

Sorry, I posted that quickly without reading as my daughter was calling me. Just read it - you poor love. You do need your own thread - maybe in the Relationshios section, as it's busier?

Cabrinha Sun 08-Sep-13 20:05:45

Dithering, you need to start your own thread! This will get lost tacked onto someone else' s!

ditheringalot53 Sun 08-Sep-13 17:09:21

hello,I have been reading the posts for ages and " dithering a lot"as to wether or not to join,i have been married a loooong time to a man who has "groomed " me to behave as( what he thinks) is a suitable wife and mother to our two boys,.One of whom has left home(due to his dad ).The youngest is about to go to uni for 4 years....so i think now is a good time to divorce him.The thought of there only being the 2 of us left in our house is what i am dreading, i believe he will make it his "hobby" to verbally put me in a place where i will become more mentally unsure of myself as a whole.
.I told him last year that i didnt like how he treated me and the boys and that i had been to c.a.b. for advice on how to go about a divorce.He was visibly shocked by my acting on my own initiative! we had a long talk which he went on the defensive and said I hadnt given him the opportunity to correct his behaviour,so he deserved a 2 nd chance to save himself.I foolishly said "fair point-maybe thats what he needed ,for me to shock him into seeing how upset i was.
Well its been an up and down time since then,with him being all accomodating (or defensive is more like it ) then going all sulky and moody and manipulative as usual when he wants his own way....
I have days of doubt as to wether I want the hassle of an expensive lengthy divorce,
But they are getting fewer.
Our sons say " do it mom,get your life back,you havent got anything to lose"
Hubby says "if you had stuck up for yourself years ago maybe i wouldnt have got as bad as you say i am"???
WHAT... SO IT IS MY FAULT,I LET YOU GET AWAY WITH IT
Early on in our marriage he slapped me across the face one night( 3 times he said ) well i went and walked to the local police station ,at the desk 2 pc's asked what i wanted them to do, i said i didnt know ,honestly...they said they couldnt do anything unless i wanted to press charges, so i didnt.
I walked back to our home and carried on our married life.
That memory has haunted me over the years, i should have pressed charges because whenever he raised his voice afterwards,i always thought he could hit me again if he wanted to.
God thats the first time i've phsically put the story down and its for all you people to see..
I know i have to move on this now but ....
It feels like stepping off a cliff...

Collaborate Tue 11-Jun-13 13:01:32

Then your DJ was wrong. s2(3) of the MCA says:

"Where in any proceedings for divorce the petitioner alleges that the respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with him, but the parties to the marriage have lived with each other for a period or periods after the date of the occurrence of the final incident relied on by the petitioner and held by the court to support his allegation, that fact shall be disregarded in determining for the purposes of section 1(2)(b) above whether the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent if the length of that period or of those periods together was six months or less."

MOSagain Tue 11-Jun-13 12:24:59

maybe it depends on the DJ? The DJ at my local CC was a bit 'funny' about that confused

Collaborate Tue 11-Jun-13 12:00:54

It's OK to use old allegations of behaviour as long as you never continued to live with him for more than 6 months after the last incident alleged.

MOSagain Sun 09-Jun-13 17:17:23

As you are divorcing on 2 years separation, that requires the consent of the Respondent (your Husband). If he won't consent, then you will not be able to petition on that ground. Noregrets unfortunately in the OP's case serving him personally won't help as he actually needs to consent to the divorce, not just not defend.

Your only option then would potentially be unreasonable behaviour but a bit difficult as you've been separated a while and at least some of the allegations of behviour need to be relatively recent. Alternatively, you might have to wait until you've been separated 5 years as his consent is not required then.

Noregrets78 Thu 06-Jun-13 21:22:45

I did use a solicitor, but my H also wouldn't sign the papers. You can apply to proceed without a signature (applying for a dispensation I think?), but you need to be able to prove that he has indeed received the papers.

The usual way of doing that is to have them served on him - I believe you can use a court bailiff (cheap ?£30 but may take ages), or a 'process server' (mine was about £120, but only took a day). Basically they just give them the papers, and then sign a statement to say they've given them the papers. Then you have to wait in the hope they still sign them, and if they don't you can apply to the court. I believe you can do all that without a solicitor still.

But... Mine was 'unreasonable behaviour'. If you're going for the 2 year separation then it's on the basis that you both agree.... so the above advice might not work? Risk you might have to wait the 5 years instead...

Might be worth posting on the 'legal' board as there are some good family solicitors on there. Or have you seen the wikivorce website? Specifically for people who are doing it without a solicitor, they have chat pages too.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 06-Jun-13 19:00:40

I don't know about DIY as I have a solicitor doing mine, but at one point ExH was just doing nothing. My solicitor advised that we could still apply without his signature, but we in the end he did sign the papers.
I have to say we did start the DIY process and it stalled because of ExH and that is when I went to a solicitor. When stalls and is generally crap she sends him a kick arse letter and moves things along.

Jj134 Thu 06-Jun-13 18:54:46

I have been split from my ex for 3 1/2 years.
I want to divorce and have obtained the d8 form for me to issue to courts. No solicitors involved.
He is being a awkward bugger and refusing to sign anything that comes through to him.
I want to keep costs down and really want a divorce.
What will happen if he refuses? I am divorcing him on separation grounds. No assessts to split.

Any advice or information would be much appreciated.
Thanks

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