H is going to let me know tonight if he is leaving. He had an affair and he finally disclosed about it in early Dec 2012. If he leaves I will be filing for divorce.
I believe that marriage is for life (apparently H is not so sure) and I still love H, so I have no idea how this all works, who to contact etc. So please help.
Also, he almost left last night. That would have meant me explaining it all to my two boys (age 5 and 3) in the morning. Given that he's going to tell me his decision tonight, once they're in bed, I may still have to tell them by myself. Please give me advice on what to say. I want to be honest about the affair H had as the reason but in a healthy way (don't want the boys to think it is them, or that I don't love H, or that people can just stop loving each other because then they'll worry that we'll stop loving them).
Personally I don't think telling the children about the affair helps in anyway. I told my DD that mummy and daddy had stopped making each other happy and we felt it would be better to have two happy houses rather than one unhappy house. My DD does now know why we split, but only due to her daddy's actions since we split.
If you do decide to split, recognise the first weeks and months as a time when you (and he) are likely to be very emotionally charged and this might lead you to do things you regret in the long run. Telling a 5 year old that his Daddy isshagging loves another woman would be one of these things - it's too complicated, your DS needs the best semblance of peace and security you can manage in the short term, he's 5 and he's likely to tell his friends whatever you say word for word - do you want this going round the playground?
Lonecat's got the script right. Keep it simple. And don't rush in to any decisions.
On the solicitor, go and see 3 for a half hour 'chemistry' chat then pick one. Also find out about legal mediators while you are at it.
Try Wheelers in Ash - they also have a Farnborough office but the divorce person is based in Ash. I divorced with them - not cheap, but fair about everything and wouldn't write letters for the sake of it.
My DH and I are separating, re telling the children, ours are 8,8 and 2....the 2 year old wont understand anything so haven't said anything, but our twins we sat down and said mummy and daddy still love each other but can't live together any more (I had a fling and have fallen out of love with DH - it's all my fault) but they don't need to know these details, and can't understand that sort of thing anyway. They were actually very accepting and are excited about our house move (I am moving out with the children) but they are used to being with daddy without me for days at a time as I am a flight attendant so work away anyway. Good luck