I kept my married name when I divorced 12 years ago as 1) I preferred it to my maiden name and 2) I wanted to have the same name as my son. It has only been as issue now that I have had another child, I'm not married to my partner but have given DD his surname as he felt very strongly about her having another man's (ie. my XH's) name which I could understand. So now I have ended up with a different name o one of my children anyway!
I am not divorced Julia but I didn't change my name. One of my children has my name and one has dh's. It really is fine having a different surname to my youngest child. He feels secure that I am his mother.
Your reasons for reverting are stronger than your reasons for keeping.
My divorce is going through amicably so thank goodness for that.
My current dilemma is whether or not to revert to my maiden name when everything is concluded. I have 3 year old twins and they are just at the stage of knowing and repeating their full names. I'm just not sure how I feel about having a different surname to them. I know many mothers have different surnames to their children but I just don't want them to feel like they're different to me.
Reasons For Changing it: My maiden name was much nicer than my married name. It would demonstrate that I'm no longer tied to him. I think future partners will wonder why I've kept my married name (old flame feelings? Defo not, btw).
Reasons for Keeping it: I want my children to feel secure and know that they are part of me. My STBXH may see it as me 'checking out' of the family - despite him ending the marriage. I may regret it in future (when they go to school). Should I wait? But if I wait I may never end up doing it so strike while the irons hot? I'd like to think it will annoy STBXH's future partners that I still carry his name (silly I know). All friends have the same surname as their kids/parents. I'm sure that'll change when they go to school but at the moment, that's certainly the case.
Either way I'm going to become a Ms. I just can't decide on the rest!
Any help for others in my position would be gratefully accepted.