Left abusive DH 6 mths ago but scared of starting divorce

(2 Posts)
shellshockedmumof2 Tue 02-Apr-13 21:55:52

Bumping myself. Any advice anyone??

shellshockedmumof2 Tue 02-Apr-13 17:07:17

Sorry for long post - I have name changed for this. DH has suffered from depression/mental illness and then became abusive (physically/mentally/verbally) with me last year. Things got so bad that I had to get a non-molestation order and an occupation order to get him out of our house (in joint names) and protect me and DCs. We have been married 6 years and have 2 tiny DCs (3 and 2). I was hoping that this move would somehow make him finally seek medical help (he has refused to see any doctors) when faced with the prospect of losing his family. But he has moved back in with his parents and still not seeking medical help, and nothing has changed in his behaviour. He sees the DCs every weekend but has to be supervised.

We ended up selling our home (proceeds still sitting in solicitors' account so I haven't been able to buy a new home yet) and I moved into a rental with the DCs. DH has not worked for a year now because of the mental illness. I am supporting the DCs alone and working full time. 6 months later, I want to move on with my life. I know the next step is to file for divorce, but somehow I am scared. I am afraid that DH will be unreasonable, irrational, difficult, will refuse to divorce and the whole process will become ugly and costly. I earned more than DH and was more responsible with my money so have savings, whereas DH lost all his savings on spread-betting. I put in 85% of the equity of our home, and am sort of resigned to having to let him have up to 50% of the proceeds from the sale. But I am afraid of him making claims on the rest of my savings, most of which I had before we were married. I am afraid of having to pay him out even though his parents are well off, they are now supporting him, and he is an only child and will inherit everything from them. I am afraid of not being able to afford to buy a new house for me and the children in our area after a divorce. He is still mentally ill, and in the little contact I have had with him he still tries to be bullying and controlling, and mean to me. He has even stalked me once. I am assuming the DCs would stay with me and in his state there is no way he could contest that, so am less worried about that in a way.

Am I right to be so worried about divorce and being left worse off afterwards? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice? And should I just file for divorce and cut my losses and move on? Or is divorce not that important anyway as I have the children and can support myself? I have good lawyers but am still worried about it all.

This whole situation has been a nightmare now for a while and I just want the nightmare to be over with and have nothing more to do with DH and his family.

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