Can I cite adultery without asking for the lurid details?

(8 Posts)
DHtotalnob Tue 26-Mar-13 20:29:28

My STBXH had an affair and we seperated last month. I want to file for divorce and adultery seems to be the appropriate reason to give. As for proof, I have an email he wrote to me after I first found out saying they had "fucked once". I also have an email from OW to him making it very clear she spent a night in the hotel with him after we split.

Alternatively, I could cite UB on a number of issues.

My questions are:

1 Do I really have to put down dates for the adultery? This is hard enough as it is and I really don't want to know when it first happened as it's just something else to gnaw away at me. Is it sufficient that he absolutely confessed that he had (and clearly within the preceding 6 months of us seperating)?

2 Would it actually be better to use UB?? He is an alcoholic (albeit high-functioning)and I'm hoping to get a provision in the contact agreements that he doesn't drink when he has DCs, and also that 50:50 access is absolutely not on the cards until he has addressed his drinking and the children are older (currently 1 and 4). I know that divorce petitions are not the place to settle scores, but could it actually be good to get the drinking mentioned early on?

I just want to say that we are both reasonable people and I have no intention to be difficult out of anger. I will be getting legal advice as soon as I can get time off work, but I'd be grateful for any views before then.

xx

DHtotalnob Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:16

(seperate = separate) blush

Unreasonable behaviour is usually easier all round, if you have enough incidents to establish it (which sounds as though it shouldn't be a problem for you).

DHtotalnob Thu 28-Mar-13 10:57:48

yes- it does seem to be the least contentious, weirdly. Thanks

MOSagain Thu 28-Mar-13 21:37:30

As long as he admits the adultery you don't need to provide any other evidence. Just state that he has admitted adultery with a woman who you do not wish to name. (Preferable, no matter how tempting it might be.

I find some prefer the one liner of adultery as opposed to paragraphs of mud slinging.

FannyBazaar Thu 28-Mar-13 21:45:37

I put 'inappropriate relationships with other wom*e*n' as one of the unreasonable behaviours on my petition. He denied having affairs but certainly had a lurid exchange of texts with one woman and a friend told me he had confessed of a previous affair.

This way I got it mentioned but didn't need to prove whether it was actually adultery and with who.

MOSagain Fri 29-Mar-13 07:37:41

Thats what I'm doing. I left it too late to petition on adultery (foolishly thought the fuckwit had changed) so am citing the various relationships with a number of tarts. By the time he has finished reading the particulars of unreasonable behaviour he will be wishing I'd used the one liner of adultery wink

BabyHMummy Fri 29-Mar-13 20:59:05

As long as you say you don't woah to name the person then you don't need to prove it but he has to sign a document to say he did commit adultery. My ex ia trying to divorce me on around of adultery but as i didn't until long after i left him i have refused to sign it. The reason i left wad due to his constant accusations!

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