This is my first post so I'm sorry if I waffle on a bit. I would be really grateful for any advice..
Basically: My husband and I separated in June 2012. We have two children, aged 5 & 6. We spent most of the 6 years of our marriage leading separate, unhappy lives. He left a few times, but I made the decision in the end, after much thought.. He wanted to stay together for the children but I believe that two happy seperated parents are better than two miserable ones. I was so desperately unhappy. He is a heavy drinker and had told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore. I did not love him either.
Since separation, he has behaved exactly how I knew he would. (and others warned me that he would be) He refuses to move out of our home. He is currently staying with his new girlfriend (so I am told), and returns home for 2 days every week whilst I go to work.
However he goes through my things, moves things around at home, and hides items. Reecently I have found out that his girlfriend has been round to our house whilst I was at work. I am extremely unhappy about the situation, and have sent countless emails etc, asking how he sees the situation moving forward. He states he cannot afford to move out, and thinks it is better for the children if we both stay at the house. He still pays half the mortgage and the bills, but does not contrubute to the food/household shopping/things for the children at all.
He has no respect at all towards me, and I dread recieving any e-mails from him. He has told the children that 'Mummy doesnt love Daddy anymore', and 'Mummy loves new partner more than me'. The children constantly come out with things that have obviously been said to them. They are so confused and unsettled, and I am so worried about them. I do agree that children should see both parents, but at the moment I really wonder if spending time with their daddy is doing more harm than good. I do question his motives for wanting to see the children. I think they are used as a tool for hurting me.
I have met a new partner who is very supportive and patient. He lives 60 miles away, and has never been to the family home.
After much thought, I was so unhappy with the situation, I have had to pay to see a solicitor, and after she wrote to him, he responded, she agreed that he was not going to co-operate or move out of the family home, so I have had to start divorce proceedings on the grounds of Unreasonable behaviour. I am so very bitterly dissapointed about this. I truly would love us to be able to sort out the house/childcare between ourselves, but he will not agree to anything at all.. I am really at my wits end, and worried as all my spare money (that I really cannot afford) is being eaten up by solicitor bills...
If he is being an idiot about it I don't think you have any choice but to go the legal route to and make it as quick as possible to save money. The way he is behaving you are not going to be able to maintain an amicable relationship so just do what you need to do.
Have had very similar experience with ex alcoholic H. My advice? If you feel that this may not be good for the dcs then it isnt. Trust your instinct.Yes they'll miss him but it will hurt them far less than the venom that he will be throwing towards them in order to get at you