I just wondered if anyone has had to do this and if so, could you please give me a some advice / experience of it. A little background from me...http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1666696-Please-tell-me-I-WILL-be-happier-on-my-own-than-like-this
I had a first appointment with a solicitor last week and she said that I really shouldn't leave the house, also to be honest I don't want to as we live in a little village whereby my DS's school is down the road, so are his friends, and so are my friends - my parents are dead and so my friends are my biggest support network - having them close is so important to me.
However, my husband is refusing to leave the house, he actually said if he's got to leave we both have, so in other words, he'd rather sell up and have us all move on than me and DS to live in the house - I am gutted about this as I could afford it on my own, and there isn't a huge amount of equity in it - in fact to be honest, I think by the time it's been worked out what he would have to pay me in a financial settlement I could've bought him out of his share of the house and some!!!
But there is no reasoning with him.
So now I face the huge decision to file for divorce and it's terrifying me because I don't know how he's going to react, he's desperate to keep solicitors out of it - he's very controlling... my solicitor feels that mediation would be best for us as she doesn't want me to be financially bullied by him, and I suspect she has a point. I am just so worried about home life for DS being even more odd/strained than it already is for the next goodness knows how long.
As collaborate says it happens a lot. My husband who might have wanted the house and children was advised not to leave and I can understand that. My lawyer said ultimately as I could afford to buy him out of the hosue but not vice versa when it was all complete we could get him out by court order if necessary. In the end he stayed until decree nisi, absolute, remortgage, transfer of property into my name and money hitting his account and left within 24 hours of that. The whole process took 7 months from start to finish, no court hearings although we both had lawyers.
As we had not been getting on well it was not too much worse during the divorce period and we both kept on doing what we did for the family, house etc until the bitter end. Better to get it started. Always better to try mediation although you have to pay. We negotiated ourselves but both had lawyers - I paid for both solicitors, advising in the background without any need to pay any mediators.
As Collaborate says, if you can't decide, it isn't down to him, its down to the Courts. I think you need to get on and issue and start the ball rolling on ancillary relief (finances). If he won't agree and it will have to go to Court then this is a long drawn out process so the sooner you start, the sooner you will have closure.
I'd suggest you instruct a solicitor sooner rather later so you can benefit from public funding if you are eligible.