Can I afford to separate?

[talkingtothewall]

Hi I've just joined mums net. At my wits end to be honest. I've been with my husband since I was 15. (29years). We have always had a love/hate relationship but since I had my 2children I realised how we shouldn't be together and he really doesn't support me at all. I have known for at least 10 years that the marriage was over but did the cowards thing and stayed because it was easier. It's horrible for me to tread on eggshells around him but I've now noticed my kids are realising you have to judge his moods. I must stress he is not violent in anyway but doesn't care how he speaks to me in front of the kids. I've asked him to move out and I will get a job to try and pay house bills myself. Our mortgage is finished. He won't move out unless I sell house. The house is worth 200,000. I'm really scared but must make this move at least for my kids sake. They have a distorted view of wat a family is. I do everything with them. He doesn't come with us or take them out. I don't know what to do or how to start. If I have 100,000 from house sale how can I claim any benefits so I won't be able to live and will have too stay in this really unhappy life!!! Sorry for being so heavy but would really appreciate any advise. Feel so alone. Thank you.

[talkingtothewall]

Hi again I don't know if I've done this first message correctly!!!

[Halfcups]

Hi there. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate but you sound strong and ready to make changes. Get advice before you do anything. Find a good family law solicitor and ask as much as you can in your free first consultation. Also speak to your job centre and ask for advice too. Gather information before you leave the family home or do anything drastic. Hold your nerve and be clear in your own mind about what you want for your family's future. I m in a similar situation. Private message me any time you want. Lots of luck x

[talkingtothewall]

Thank you so much for your reply. I don't know how to private reply. It's really nice to speak about my situation. Don't tell my family cos not close so have kept this to myself for years. Thanks again for your reply.

[Halfcups]

For private messaging just press on the message poster button to the right of the screen and then only that person can read the message. I m going to sleep soon but message any time. Welcome to MN . You ll get lots of support here x

[talkingtothewall]

Thanks just sent private msg. Don't worry messaging bk tonight. Any times ok. X

[Collaborate]

Don't ever assume the first meeting is free. Check with them first. If I told you that a pub is giving away the first pint for free, I wouldn't bind them to do so. It's a common misconception that solicitors first meetings are free.

[talkingtothewall]

Thank you for your reply

[Dremm]

Hi talkingtothewall, I am in the same situation too. Have been together 16 yrs and married 13. I have for years lived without support or affection from my stbxh but have now spoken with a great solicitor ( found from the Resolution website) who has explained that I do have options on my own and do not have to stay in an EA marriage because i feel financially dependant. I thought I would have to sell our house as I couldn't afford the mortgage and other outgoings on my salary, but with little equity would not be able to afford to buy anywhere else to house me and my dc's . OP, there are options so seek some good legal advice, you don't need to stay for financial reasons.

[talkingtothewall]

Thank you for your advise. So overwhelming at the moment. Money is such a worry. Its been so long since Ive had to look after myself financially. thanks again