Am I being unreasonable?

[Finrilemm]

I have been separated for 2.5 yrs, my ex has always had the children for three nights out of ten due to his shift pattern. He wants then for 50% of the time, and very cleverly got be to agree to having them for four nights out of ten in mediation.

The children are 6 and 8 and are happy, however I am not. I have been advised to go to court, as 4 out of 10, is a lot. It fits in around his shift pattern, but I work school hours to ensure a stable home life, as the shift pattern isn't the same days every week, it leaves me unable to increase hours at work, and sitting waiting for them to come home. He's never paid maintenance, and I don't know whether dragging it through court would do me any good. Any advice?

Thanks

[VBisme]

Sorry I'm not clear, do you want him to have the kids more or less?

[Finrilemm]

Three rather than four, as its always been.

[NeverBeenToMe]

Not clear what you're asking?

[VBisme]

How will having the children more enable you to increase your working hours?
And if the children are happy isn't that what counts? Contact arrangements are supposed to be for the benefit of the children, not the parents (either parent).
I think you're being unreasonable, but I think you'll carry on regardless.

[MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel]

^ Everything VB said

[mellowcat]

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I also don't believe that going to court would be beneficial to any of you as you say your children are happy with the new arrangement.

You say you work school hours and sit at home waiting for them. I remember worrying about my mum being lonely whenever I was with my dad. Could you use this time to develop some interests/passions of your own or indulge yourself in some 'me time'.

Best wishes with it all.

[Finrilemm]

I just think its wholly unfair that we separated due to his unreasonable behaviour, the contact arrangement centres around his shifts and I don't see or have contact with my children for 40% of the time. I can't even go to evening classes to further my career, as the 4 nights he has them aren't even the same four nights every time. So until the children grow up, my life practically has to be put on hold. I'm very angry about the whole thing as you can probably tell. The children are happy, but he has completely brainwashed them. I'm probably going on, just it's good to air my thoughts sometimes!

[mellowcat]

You're not going on at all. It does all sound horribly unfair. Is there no way you could insist on regular contact days. As your children become older and more independent this arrangement may well impact on their social lives too.

Your ex does some to be having his cake and eating it.

[Xenia]

I have mine 365 days a year and work full time. It is possible. Expensive though in terms of childcare.

Tell him if he wants them 50% of the time you will need to hire an au pair who will live at his house when he has the children and yours when you do and that he must pay at least half the cost.