Christmas survival tips, please!!

(15 Posts)
corblimeymadam Mon 24-Dec-12 22:06:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumof4sons Mon 24-Dec-12 22:40:13

All the advice I can offer is 'grin and bear it' for the kids.

That's what I did three years ago when I found out on Christmas Eve my H was having an affair. I just got through it for the boys. I really don't know how but I did it.

It will be ok - just remember you are doing it for them. The kids won't know if it is not perfect and leave the STBXH to fend for himself. Have fun with the kids.

corblimeymadam Tue 25-Dec-12 01:04:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumof4sons Tue 25-Dec-12 12:30:56

I hope you are getting through the day ok. It is tough trying to keep it together for the kids.

Three years on and I still cry for what should have been.

This is also my last Christmas in the house. It is also probably the last Christmas I will spend with my 4 boys for a while. I am moving back to the States in January after 24 years in England. Two of my DCs are going with me and two are staying behind. All because my exH thought the grass was greener elsewhere - it wasn't - and the only one left smiling is the OW, because she hasn't got to live with the fallout for the rest of her life - she walked away from the whole sordid mess without a backward glance.

Stay strong - or at least try to like me.

corblimeymadam Tue 25-Dec-12 21:31:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bulletproohmum Tue 25-Dec-12 21:55:06

I'm in the same boat. Dh and I decided to split in September. Hopefully he'll move out in feb assuming we can agree on finances. I have found the build up and anxiety much worse than the reality. We agreed on a Christmas truce for Christmas. We are not shouting and arguing all the time but there is a lot of sniping and tension. We've tried our bestbformthe kids (7,5,2). It's so bloody hard though!

Op- when do you think you will separate?

corblimeymadam Tue 25-Dec-12 22:11:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

senoritapoojita Tue 25-Dec-12 23:52:59

I am in the same boat too, STBXH told me he wants out in November and on 1st Dec i have received letters from his solicitors asking me to find my own solicitors. The sad thing is i love him and he loves me too but he wants out as he feels i have always made him feel uneased at all times. I am a stay home mum of 2 lovely boys aged 7 and 5. This christmas was the toughest that i ever encounted it feels like death is here and i can't do anything about it.
His grandfather has sent a card stating STBXH's name and the boys only. I felt genuinely ill reading it my H didn't even bother to put it away.

I asked him about our family friends why have they not sent any greeting cards this year and he's reply was that he had told them all, these are very very close family friends that we have over the past 8 years and he has told them all about our divorce which has not really surfaced properly.

Looks like there is no reconciliationat all, it's all over!

We exchanged presents as usual and dinner was very pleasant. I don't have any family in this country therefore, i am in a very sticky situation besides, H has accomodation provided to him since August this year closer to work place therefore, he only comes home on fridays and leaves on sunday night.
I still have not consulted any solicitors due to financial situations and not able to approach any citizens advice bureau as i feel like a"charity case" to off load my problems on other people's expenses.
Sooo, lonely and deeply hurt, my only wish is for this problems to all to have dissapeared when i awake again in the morning.

sad!

Bulletproohmum Wed 26-Dec-12 22:42:28

Boxing Day went less well. We spent the evening arguing over money and child care arrangements. Dh has found somewhere to live in feb however we need to agree financial arrangements first. The reality of how on earthenim going to manage practically and financially without him reall hitting.

It's our wedding anniversary on sat - never expected to be here in just five sad

senoritapoojita Wed 26-Dec-12 23:03:14

Well, i guess that would be me this time next year doing the arguing!
How much more of this pain should i endure????sad

Bulletproohmum Wed 26-Dec-12 23:11:33

Do what you to stay sane. Keep things moving forward, it takes time but know what you want and make it happen

Soila Thu 27-Dec-12 08:03:18

How did it all go belgianbun?

Senoritapoojita - have you considered family mediation? It can help really reduce the stress, animosity and tension and so very much cheaper than using solicitors throughout.

They handle all aspects - child arrangements, property and finances.

Also they don't tell you what to do - they let you both reach your own agreement.

You can find one close to you on this site -

http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.php

and here - http://www.nfm.org.uk/

I'm sure there are more.

Good luck.

olgaga Tue 01-Jan-13 11:37:11

What an awful time you have had. You might find the information and links here helpful.

senoritapoojita Tue 01-Jan-13 18:27:47

I doubt if my DH going to agree to my request but his solicitors letter to me the one and only letter on the 1st of Dec has mentioned that he wants to go to a mediation on finance matters.
I have a clear view this year i am ready to face this "DIVORCE" and i am ready to let him go or move out of this family home while he carry on paying the mortgage and the bills and i speak to my solicitor to get my name on the land registry. Yes, i have accepted the reality. Christmas and New year was very good but it is a shame that it would not be the same in 2013.
I am stronger in mind than ever thanks to mumsnet!

Fantastic advice and support from far and beyond!
XXX

Soila Wed 02-Jan-13 12:17:23

All the best senoritapoojita!

Family mediation can work but you would still need advice from a solicitor.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now