Frustrated with immature ex - do I let our daughter stay with him?

(5 Posts)
NatashaBee Wed 12-Dec-12 18:26:45

I think you are being unreasonable. I do think he needs to provide a workable solution to how he can keep the house, if that's what he wants to do - find a guarantor or a different mortgage - or accept that he can't afford it alone and make plans to move. I can see why you have concerns about a lodger, would you be happier if it was someone your ex knew (ie through work) rather than a complete stranger?

I also think you need to formalise finances and access to your daughter - at the moment, if he doesn't bring her back and there is no residency agreement that says she should live with you, i don't think you will have any recourse against him.

Daddelion Wed 12-Dec-12 17:40:26

What you're worried about him doing, is what you're threatening to do.

And he's not given any evidence that he's going to do it and you have.

So no, you shouldn't stop contact.

olgaga Wed 12-Dec-12 17:15:40

I would be more concerned about taking legal advice re the finances. Is the mortgage in both your names? If so you will wreck your credit rating as well as his if you simply stop paying the mortgage.

Taking in a lodger might be against the terms of the mortgage anyway.

Your legal wrangles with him, unfortunate though they are, don't justify stopping contact. However, if you have good reason to fear for her safety, or that he might not return her, then obviously you couldn't allow it.

However, you MUST take legal advice from a qualified family lawyer.

Take a look at my blog where you will find lots of advice and links to useful organisations.

You want to keep your daughter away from a good dad?

Have you ever heard the expression 'using your child as a weapon'? Thats exactly what you would be doing in this instance. The relationship you and he have, unless abusive, should not impact on your daughter.

Mybabysmellsofbiscuits Wed 12-Dec-12 14:28:30

At the end of my tether with my ex-partner and hoping someone can provide me with some advice on the best way forward.

Ex and I split up in Aug and we have a dd of 2 and a half together. I moved out of our joint owned home and have been living with my parents for the past few months and continuing to pay half of the mortgage for the house he is living in by himself.

Ex has refused to sell the house, but is unable to support himself an get re-mortgaged on his sole salary so asked if I would be willing to let him rent out the third bedroom to a lodger. DD usually stays there 3 nights a week so have declined this request as I don't feel safe having a random stranger in the house with my daughter, along with anyone else they decide to bring home (fair enough?).

Earlier this week, I told ex p I would no longer be paying the mortgage. I have told him he can either default on the payment and let the house get repossessed, try to get financial support from his parents to cover my half of the mortgage, or sell. He's left me with no other choice as I cant save to move out of my parents, all the time I am still paying his mortgage. He turned up in a new car last week also, as if to add more insult to injury.

Now he is refusing to talk to me on the phone and I am nervous that if I allow our daughter to stay with him, he wont call me if anything is wrong or there is an accident. He's a good dad on the whole, but doesn't have a particularly strong relationship with our daughter and tends to work on his own agenda when she is there, rather than making an effort to play with her. I am worried that if I let her go over there, he will not bring her back, which will undoubtedly be detrimental to her.

I am tempted as he is being so unreasonable, to just keep our daughter with me and let him fight me for custody for access. He argues with me about everything for what feels like the sake of trying to prove me wrong, but never has our daughters best interest at heart.

What to do.... has anyone been in a similar situation?

Thanks for any advice you can share! x

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