Advice re separation

[missblossomhill]

Hi guys. In currently at the beginning of a separation from my STBXH I discovered six weeks after giving birth to my second child that he had been having an affair throughout my pregnancy. Once he eventually admitted it he walked out and is now living with his parents and carrying on this relationship with her. So my questions are. How do I work out maintenance amounts ? What happens over school holidays do need to fund the additional childcare required or can I ask that this be split in addition to maintenance ? We have a joint mortgage also so can he force me to take that on myself ? Does he have any rights to take thechildren at Christmas ? This year I have said he can come to the house and see them in the morning but I cannot face the thought of him taking the children in future years and them spending Christmas with the b!t h that destroyed my family Thanks

[Nurse30emma]

Hi CSA do a maintainance calculator which will work out what ur entitled to, if you need child care child tax credits can help with this, mortgage: speak to a solicitor but if mortgagae in joint names u are both responsible for payments still he cant force you to take it on by yoursself and dependent on ur earnings u may not be able to have the mortgage on your own. (Only what I have gathered through internet and personal experience some solicitors do first 30 mins of a session free). Neither of you have automatic right to the kids, easier if you can come to an arrangement between you without solicitors.

[olgaga]

Hello, sorry you're going through all this at such a difficult time.

I used to post a lengthy Advice and Links post here on these threads but formatting issues and length mean I've had to put it into a blog called Survive Separation (currently awaiting MNHQ approval as part of the MN Bloggers Network).

Take a look, and come back for further advice and support.

[STIDW]

Check out the calculator at CM Options website and financial state help you are entitled to at;

www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Tax credits help towards the costs of childcare.

For finances you need to make plans for the short term and then the longer term. At the moment you are enjoying the sole use of the family home it isn't unreasonable for you to pay the mortgage and bills if you can afford to do so. If that leaves you struggling financially and your husband has disposable cash after meeting his own living expenses he may need to pay some or all of the mortgage to help out.

There is no one arrangement that suits all families but with school aged children many families find sharing the quality time at weekends and school holidays 50:50 with perhaps a night or two during the week works well. It's common to alternate Christmas and other special occasions but I think you need to focus on this Christmas and worry about next Christmas later. Parents have responsibilities rather than rights, and the it's child's right to see parents that is important.

It's a good idea to see a family solicitor early on to find out where you stand and what options there are in your particular circumstances. If you then decide to negotiate between yourselves or with the help of a mediator you do so from an informed position.

Hope that helps.