sorry for your distress OP, didnt want you to go unanswered either.
Deciding to end it, telling the OH, and putting the wheels in motion are hugely scary and daunting. Dont let that put you off though.
Get legal advice asap, sort out benefits etc, get as much advice and practical help under your belt before you do anything. You need to know what you are walking into before you end things otherwise you'll have so much more heartache, esp with 4 dcs.
my ex point blank refused to move out as he said it was my decision and it should be me to go. So I did. Am now renting a house using housing benefit and am claiming all of the working/child tax credits. I work full time. I got all of this sorted out before I left. Made me feel more in control.
Was really, really hard, especially with the kids at first, but six months on and with the decree absolute in sight, Im happier. Regret obviously for the kids but the environment before was so destructive. Took 3 years to finally summon the courage to call time.
Arm yourself, prepare and keep strong. Best of luck with it all OP.
Thanks for your replies and also for sharing your own experience. I appreciate it and it is helpful. Interesting about taking a few years to do it - i think that is where i'm at. I don't think he is particularly happy with me but he has a very busy life, good job etc and because of what I do, he gets the big family and homeliness.
But I am fed up of being a service provider within his life. I wonder if I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Last night I genuinely wanted to walk, today I am too tired to think.
I really hear you ohforfoxsake. I am in the same boat. I have today booked a free consultation with a local solicitor just to get some information. It's hugely scary and has taken me about 6 years to build up to this. Our summer holiday was the last straw! I can't do that again and I can't carry on pretending everything is OK.
Much strength to you and hope you're OK. Am always happy to listen on here if you need to rant/let off steam.
Ladies you have taken the very words out of my mouth. I too am at the end point of my relationship with my DH. 15 years, 5 married & 3 children later I am tired of his sulks and his moods and his general unreasonableness, is that a word?
So my issue now is how do I tell him, I don't think it will be a surprise, the children will be devastated. I want to move out and leave him here.
ronshar. It's so hard isn't it? My friends have advised me to write down my reasons in a letter to him. That way it will be considered and calm and won't be all angry and unreasonable (and I won't forget anything). Will you move out and take the children? Or will you leave them with him? How old are they? You are in my thoughts. It's a horrible thing to be even thinking let alone go through but be strong!
I have to confess I am waivering. With dh's business in such a terrible state and coming to an end (he's currently trying to wrap it all up and move on to do something else), I am going to give him one more chance....I think. I keep flitting from one minute to the next. But I think I have to give him another chance to make things right. He might sort himself out once he has sorted the business out and got a full time job and I might feel better if he's contributing financially to the situation. Plus I would feel less bad if he had some means of supporting himself.
I don't know. I have kind of put a mental time limit on it and will give him a couple of months to see what happens. Then I will tell him how it is and that he is pretty much on his last chance. I still have my meeitng with the solicitor on Wed this week to find out where I stand. And it may be that in the next few weeks he pisses me off so much that I just can't bear it any longer. BUt I'm trying so hard to remain rational. I need to know for myself that I have given it every chance and tried to fix it. The guilt I will feel in breaking up our family will be enormous anyway but I think I will feel better for myself and the kids if I know in my heart that I've done all I can to fix it before admitting defeat.